Halloween horror story

Do you mark Halloween by posting Grinchy memes like this one on Facebook:

Or are you the go-with-the-flow, let’s-enjoy-the-rare-burst-of-community-interaction type?

I’m the latter.

But, before the sugary stuff, I’m going to tell you a scary story.

I kicked off Halloween by waving a metaphorical red flag that announced to the world: “I’m old!”

I bought myself a sensible navy blue swimming costume at Target with “power net lining” that’s “designed to slim and shape your body”.

It also has generous bust coverage with “silicone trim to provide support and sit secure on the body”. Not to mention lots of discreet ruching around the midriff.

Bury me now.

Yup, I’m officially geriatric. I tried on another style that revealed a little more cleavage and I looked TERRIBLE. Totally not the right sort of scary for Halloween.

I showed the cossie to my fellow over-50 co-worker when I got back to the office. We bemoaned the effects of gravity on everything and she told me something so horrifying that she had to whisper it: she recently discovered middle-aged stomach sag is colloquially called a “gunt”. If you don’t know why, you’ll have to Google it. Warning: it’s a mash-up of two words and one of them is VERY rude.

OK, back to the PG stuff …


After work, I headed to my friend Fee’s front yard for a Halloween chardy.

Fee has the misfortune of living on one of Sydney’s most popular trick or treating streets, so she is almost bankrupted by candy purchases every October.

I provided moral support and a $7 bag of Trolli lolly merch.

The family in the picture above provided the entertainment by wandering past in their blow-up costumes.

It was INSANE around Fee’s house. You could barely move on the concrete paths and parking was totally impossible.

The youngest wandered in and out occasionally in a teen witch outfit, trying to pretend we’re not related.


Kudos to the mum who traversed the neighbourhood as her kid’s Tardis.

I’m wondering if it’s another sign of old age that I enjoyed hanging out on my friend’s front lawn so much, shooting the breeze.

I had an animated conversation with Fee’s mum about the pros and cons of knee replacements, grumbled with Fee’s husband about how young people these days don’t appreciate rock music, promised to lend my new Xanadu DVD to Emily, and got some divorce advice from Rosina.

Oh, and sipped a glass of wine. Oh, and there was a sausage sizzle, so I didn’t even have to make dinner.

What more could you want from a mid-week gathering?

I could have done without picking the eldest up from trick or treating – dressed as Johnny Rotten … very inspired considering their naturally spiky red hair – on the other side of the Harbour Bridge … but all in all my Halloween ended pretty well.

Hope your Hump Day was a good ‘un too.

Song of the day: Michael Jackson “Thriller”

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