Not pretty enough

I went to see I Feel Pretty yesterday with the youngest.

Yeah, I dunno whether that’s poor parenting … probably. But she was mad keen.

Sitting there as the final credits rolled, we both agreed it wasn’t as funny as we were expecting. It was kinda good, but not great.

I’ve since read lots of mediocre reviews, along with articles alleging it’s “fat shaming” women.

I don’t have a problem with the general premise of the movie – an insecure woman knocks herself out in a gym accident, wakes up and suddenly has the confidence to follow her dreams.

But I thought it was really sad that the lead character – played by comedian Amy Schumer – cried pre-accident when she looked at herself in the mirror.

How awful!

I am no more or less “pretty” than Amy. I’ve sometimes wished for a smaller nose, a flatter stomach, a tighter jawline … but I’ve never cried about it.

And I haven’t expected my looks to play any part in my success.

I Feel Pretty reminded me that’s a really positive thing.

During interactions, I wasn’t bothered by whether people thought I was “hot” to look at … but I’ve always loved it when they think it’s “hot” to talk to me.

Not because I’m being flirty or discussing rocket science, simply that they’ve enjoyed the exchange.

And that means I’m not as freaked out by ageing as I thought I would be. Although I was a bit scared about dating again in my late 40s. Funnily enough, my new relationship was born from mental than physical attraction.

My first meeting with DD only lasted an hour and we walked away without a definitive first impression of each other. We fell madly ” in like” over the next few weeks as we texted across the Pacific Ocean like crazed fiends.

Almost four years later, there’s a part of me that would love to be younger and thinner for him, but I know that worrying about whether I’m still sexy after the big 5-0 is completely unsexy.

There’s so much talk about older women feeling “invisible” in society. I’ve found it freeing to be even less bothered by how I’m visually perceived. I wander along the beach in my cossie, I strike up conversations with strangers, I dance extravagantly at parties … totally unconcerned about whether I’m pretty enough.

A different sort of confidence grows, knowing that real beauty lies in your smile, your laughter, your energy and your joy.

And that someone who judges you on how you look is the last person you should care about impressing.

Song of the day: Kasey Chambers “Not pretty enough”

 

 

 

 

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6 thoughts on “Not pretty enough

  1. Thank you. This helped enormously, especially reading it later than usual, having just been out for a walk and been called a fucking fat slob by a total stranger.

  2. Thanks for this honest review I was wondering if this is how it would be. I think I am one of the few ppl who think that Amy isn’t quite as funny as the rest of the world thinks …

    I LOVE this about you “There’s so much talk about older women feeling “invisible” in society. I’ve found it freeing to be even less bothered by how I’m visually perceived. I wander along the beach in my cossie, I strike up conversations with strangers, I dance extravagantly at parties … totally unconcerned about whether I’m pretty enough.” I can’t wait until this is me xoxo

  3. You said it sister!! Love this post. So true. I feel completely free now that I am no longer “visible” as you say. Love being in my “fuck it forties”. If I cant be secure and happy at this time in my life, then when? We trap ourselves with our own minds. Sometimes we have to remember who is in control of our freedom. 🙂 Thanks for the post! #biglove

  4. I wouldn’t see the movie as I get frustrated enough with Hollywood’s version of ‘fat’. I like Amy S but in reality she mostly looks great. Not as skinny as the usual Hollywood types but it irks that she’s sold (and sells herself to an extent) on being overweight and a misfit. For those ACTUALLY overweight it’s kinda insulting (and very confronting). Not to mention perpetuating those stereotypes about what one has to look like to be acceptable.

    • Hi Deb, I can’t believe I’m saying this but I couldn’t work out how to comment on your blog! I’m hopeless. Anyway, I found your latest post really interesting and I DO have an online dating story to tell you, but I’m not sure how much of my blog history you are familiar with … I will email you.

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