How did THAT get in there?

My Renault – aka The Orange Lemon – went to the workshop yesterday after the “Top Up Oil Levels” warning light came on YET AGAIN.

The interior of the car usually looks like Tempe Tip, so I scuttled out early in the morning with a garbage bag to clear the mess. And I discovered the weirdest collection of crap in it, including a pair of male toddler sunglasses, two golf balls, a blue lollipop in the shape of a fish and a rice cooker.

How the freaking hell did those things get in there?

Seriously, how?

I don’t know any male toddlers, I don’t play golf …

OK, I know how the rice cooker got in there – I took it up to DD’s on Saturday to make a brown rice salad and it didn’t make it back into the kitchen again.

But the rest …

I’ve also added to my bull-at-a-gate list by ripping down – literally in the case of a few truculent screws – the old roman blinds in the back room … only minor damage to the woodwork has ensued.

And I’ve hung sheer curtains in their place. Whoa is it bright in there in the morning! I almost need sunglasses inside my own home.

The curtains also dip in the middle because I got bored with screwing stuff in and skipped putting up brackets in the centre of the window.

I’ve exhumed a couple of green shag-pile IKEA rugs from the garage to add some colour – the Persian rug that previously adorned the floor has been so thoroughly desecrated by the dogs that it no longer responds to cans of carpet cleaning foam and needs a proper steam clean.

Unfortunately the lounges are blue … blue and green should never be seen and all that …

So I’m not entirely sure how I feel about the overall result. Being marginally cleaner is the only definite improvement, mainly because I decided I really should – sigh – mop and vacuum behind the lounges before hanging sheer white curtains that puddle on the floor.

The room definitely isn’t “chic”. Not even the shabby sort.


As for The Orange Lemon … the bloke at the workshop said some sort of computer update had been performed. I don’t quite understand how that will stop the car needing a whole bottle of oil poured into it every three to six months, but let’s see. Apparently I’m to let him know if the warning light comes on again. The way he said it suggested it was more of a when the oil light comes on again scenario …

He also made the mistake of asking how I’m enjoying my Renault. I didn’t want to break his heart by saying I hated the shite box, so I politely let him know that I’ve had “some very bad luck” with windows not opening for six months etc.

He looked sad, but not entirely surprised.

Stay tuned as I’m pretty sure the saga isn’t over.


And in other exciting news, the youngest came home last night! She brought me a floral spatula and a miniature chopping board as gifts. She also insisted we sit together at my giant mistake of a bar table to eat our dinner. Bless her.

Have you ever been sold a lemon?

Song of the day: U2 “Lemon”

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