My big mouth

When I was a kid, my dad was a mad fan of a comedian called Dave Allen. He was Irish and had half a finger and sat on a stool during his TV show sipping whisky.

I’ve never forgotten his wide-mouthed frog joke. Here’s a version of it:

A wide mouthed frog,
living by the river,
was constantly inquisitive,
abruptly interrogative, and
quickly pleased.

All day,
his friends and family would hear him saying,
“Look at that!”
“What are you?” and
“Wow! That’s great!”
All day.

And the time came for the frog
to leave the river and
to explore the great grassland plain nearby.

And the frog saw the stripiest thing he’d ever seen.
“Look at that!” he exclaimed!
“What are you?” he asked, somewhat abruptly.

A zebra looked up,
startled at the somewhat impersonal intrusion, and
then looked down, and
took kindly upon the frog, and said

“I am a zebra, and
“I am the luckiest animal alive,
“Cos all day, I loll around in the sunshine,
“gaze at the beautiful scenery, and
“chew upon the sweetest grasses.”

Then the zebra lowered her head to the frog, and added
“Knowing that if a lion should approach,
“I can run faster than he can, and that
“my stripes passing through the blades of grass will confuse him.”

“Wow! That’s great!” said the frog,
who hopped away before the zebra could say anymore.

But afterwards, the frog wondered
what a lion was and
why the zebra had mentioned it.

And the frog saw the tallest thing he’d ever seen.
“Look at that!” he exclaimed!
“What are you?” he asked, somewhat abruptly.

A giraffe looked up,
startled at the somewhat impersonal intrusion, and
then looked down, and
took kindly upon the frog, and said

“I am a giraffe, and
“I am the luckiest animal alive,
“Cos all day, I loll around in the sunshine,
“gaze at the beautiful scenery, and
“chew upon the sweetest leaves from the tops of trees that no other animal can reach.”

Then the giraffe lowered her head to the frog, and added
“Knowing that if a lion should approach,
“I can swing the horns on the head, at the top of my long neck, and
“knock out any lion that dares to attack.”

“Wow! That’s great!” said the frog,
who hopped away before the giraffe could say anymore.

But afterwards, the frog wondered
what a lion was and
why the giraffe had also mentioned it.

And the frog saw the hairiest mane and the biggest teeth on anything he’d ever seen.
“Look at that!” he exclaimed!
“What are you?” he asked, somewhat abruptly.

A lion looked up,
startled at the somewhat impersonal intrusion, and
then looked down, and
paid attention to the frog, and said

“I am a lion, and
“I am the luckiest animal alive,
“Cos all day, I loll around in the sunshine,
“enjoying the beautiful scenery,
“knowing that, I, am the king of the jungle!”

Then the lion lowered his head to the frog, and added
“And I eat wide mouthed frogs.”

“Wow! That’s great!” said the frog,
who then pursed his mouth and said

“You don’t see many of them around these days!”

You kinda need to say/hear it to get the true awesomeness:

Anyways … I’m a bit of a wide-mouthed frog these days.

Since my marriage disintegration I’ve replaced fairly constant low-moodness with giddy moments where it feels like I’m tripping on a tab of life acid.

When you throw in a few double shot flat whites I almost bounce off the walls.

And sooooooo … I went to a mentoring lunch yesterday to represent the drinks association while both dropping a tab of life acid and surfing the caffeine wave (with a little delirium from only getting five hours sleep thrown in for good measure).

I sat with a table of middle-aged bigwigs who are mentoring bright young things in the drinks industry and I … effervesced.

As they did the roundtable thing about what they were gaining from the mentoring experience I was all “oooooh, how fascinating” and “tell me MORE” and “that is such a great idea” … then the roundtable got to me and I said “oh I’m not talking” (meaning I wasn’t a mentor).

The bemused mutter around the table was “Really? You could have fooled us.”

Next, the mentoring program coordinator launched a group discussion on how to handle certain career situations and I put my hand up – pick me, pick me! – and answered one of the questions.

Let’s not forget I was there as an observer not a mentor. Ooops.

I’m a bit like that in most situations now – a bubbling fountain of words and opinions and enthusiasm.

Afterwards I’m all eeeeeeeek “You don’t see many of them around these days” wide-mouthed frog.

And I resolve to shut up next time, but I’m just so excited about life and social interaction that I immediately blow it and go all wide-mouthed again.

I hope the drinks industry lions weren’t wishing they could bite my head clean off …

Do you ever have wide-mouthed frog moments?

Song of the day: Tight Fit “The Lion Sleeps Tonight”

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