My big mouth

When I was a kid, my dad was a mad fan of a comedian called Dave Allen. He was Irish and had half a finger and sat on a stool during his TV show sipping whisky.

I’ve never forgotten his wide-mouthed frog joke. Here’s a version of it:

A wide mouthed frog,
living by the river,
was constantly inquisitive,
abruptly interrogative, and
quickly pleased.
–
All day,
his friends and family would hear him saying,
“Look at that!”
“What are you?” and
“Wow! That’s great!”
All day.
–
And the time came for the frog
to leave the river and
to explore the great grassland plain nearby.
–
And the frog saw the stripiest thing he’d ever seen.
“Look at that!” he exclaimed!
“What are you?” he asked, somewhat abruptly.
–
A zebra looked up,
startled at the somewhat impersonal intrusion, and
then looked down, and
took kindly upon the frog, and said
–
“I am a zebra, and
“I am the luckiest animal alive,
“Cos all day, I loll around in the sunshine,
“gaze at the beautiful scenery, and
“chew upon the sweetest grasses.”
–
Then the zebra lowered her head to the frog, and added
“Knowing that if a lion should approach,
“I can run faster than he can, and that
“my stripes passing through the blades of grass will confuse him.”
–
“Wow! That’s great!” said the frog,
who hopped away before the zebra could say anymore.
–
But afterwards, the frog wondered
what a lion was and
why the zebra had mentioned it.
–
And the frog saw the tallest thing he’d ever seen.
“Look at that!” he exclaimed!
“What are you?” he asked, somewhat abruptly.
–
A giraffe looked up,
startled at the somewhat impersonal intrusion, and
then looked down, and
took kindly upon the frog, and said
–
“I am a giraffe, and
“I am the luckiest animal alive,
“Cos all day, I loll around in the sunshine,
“gaze at the beautiful scenery, and
“chew upon the sweetest leaves from the tops of trees that no other animal can reach.”
–
Then the giraffe lowered her head to the frog, and added
“Knowing that if a lion should approach,
“I can swing the horns on the head, at the top of my long neck, and
“knock out any lion that dares to attack.”
–
“Wow! That’s great!” said the frog,
who hopped away before the giraffe could say anymore.
–
But afterwards, the frog wondered
what a lion was and
why the giraffe had also mentioned it.
–
And the frog saw the hairiest mane and the biggest teeth on anything he’d ever seen.
“Look at that!” he exclaimed!
“What are you?” he asked, somewhat abruptly.
–
A lion looked up,
startled at the somewhat impersonal intrusion, and
then looked down, and
paid attention to the frog, and said
–
“I am a lion, and
“I am the luckiest animal alive,
“Cos all day, I loll around in the sunshine,
“enjoying the beautiful scenery,
“knowing that, I, am the king of the jungle!”
–
Then the lion lowered his head to the frog, and added
“And I eat wide mouthed frogs.”
–
“Wow! That’s great!” said the frog,
who then pursed his mouth and said
–
“You don’t see many of them around these days!”

You kinda need to say/hear it to get the true awesomeness:

Anyways … I’m a bit of a wide-mouthed frog these days.

Since my marriage disintegration I’ve replaced fairly constant low-moodness with giddy moments where it feels like I’m tripping on a tab of life acid.

When you throw in a few double shot flat whites I almost bounce off the walls.

And sooooooo … I went to a mentoring lunch yesterday to represent the drinks association while both dropping a tab of life acid and surfing the caffeine wave (with a little delirium from only getting five hours sleep thrown in for good measure).

I sat with a table of middle-aged bigwigs who are mentoring bright young things in the drinks industry and I … effervesced.

As they did the roundtable thing about what they were gaining from the mentoring experience I was all “oooooh, how fascinating” and “tell me MORE” and “that is such a great idea” … then the roundtable got to me and I said “oh I’m not talking” (meaning I wasn’t a mentor).

The bemused mutter around the table was “Really? You could have fooled us.”

Next, the mentoring program coordinator launched a group discussion on how to handle certain career situations and I put my hand up – pick me, pick me! – and answered one of the questions.

Let’s not forget I was there as an observer not a mentor. Ooops.

I’m a bit like that in most situations now – a bubbling fountain of words and opinions and enthusiasm.

Afterwards I’m all eeeeeeeek “You don’t see many of them around these days” wide-mouthed frog.

And I resolve to shut up next time, but I’m just so excited about life and social interaction that I immediately blow it and go all wide-mouthed again.

I hope the drinks industry lions weren’t wishing they could bite my head clean off …

Do you ever have wide-mouthed frog moments?

Song of the day: Tight Fit “The Lion Sleeps Tonight”