She’ll be right, mate

Sorry if I worried you yesterday. I was being a bit of a drama queen. But thank you to everyone who touched base.

I got myself trapped in a negative loop. Once you become an anxious mouse skittering frenetically on the treadmill of life it can be a bit hard to get off and take a breath.

I’ve reminded myself that 80% of my life is pretty fab. I need to focus on the good stuff, rather than obsessing over the 20% that’s out of my control.

I’ve also organised to catch up with a few people I haven’t seen for yonks. I get so much energy and joy from those friendships, but working single mum life tends to get in the way.

Laughter helps too, as comedian Jackie Loeb showed me on Wednesday night at Slide Nightclub (I said it in such a dirty way to the cab driver on my way there that he giggled – well, it IS a bit of a saucy name for a nightclub), so I might try and catch something at the Sydney Comedy Festival.

My friend Rebecca also recommended:

I’ve found comfort in a mantra about self-compassion I was given last year.
“This is a moment of suffering – it hurts.
Suffering is a part of life.
May I be kind to myself in this moment.
May I give myself the compassion I need.”

I learnt a lot about self-compassion last year. I didn’t really know what it meant, but you might like to explore the work that Dr Kristen Neff has done: http://self-compassion.org/category/exercises/

So I’ll do that as well. My usual fallback is to blame myself for everything  – even when it has nothing to do with me – and berate myself for being a terrible person.

When DD had his car accident in Byron Bay my crazy brain even tried to blame me for that – had I upset him in some way in the moments before the crash?

I am my own worst enemy! What happened was an unfortunate accident, I didn’t do anything to cause it.

Say that again. Alana, this time with a little more conviction.

Not. My. Fault.

How are you on the self-compassion front?

Song of the day: Neil Finn “Anytime”

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8 thoughts on “She’ll be right, mate

  1. My mantra has become, ‘Oh Well’ and my family laugh up a lung when we all say it now, cos I am not really an ‘Oh Well’ kinda gal. But being unwell means that sweating the small stuff is not an option. I do feel guilty that my unwellness impacts on family and friends, but ‘Oh Well’ – not my fault, out of my control – yeh easier said than believed. Good luck.

  2. Yes, well… I need to follow more of my own advice! I wish I could spend more time listening to the self-compassion meditations. The mantra helped me through a particularly rough time, though. Thinking of you. X

  3. Start each day with a “carefactor 0%” attitude. Never say sorry for things that aren’t your fault. Look in the mirror every morning, wink at yourself and say something encouraging. I do all of this (except the mirror thing because that’s just too silly). We all love you Larny xxx

  4. Alana I totally get the self-berating thing. It’s my default position too. I have to rationalise why things are not my fault (when they’re not) so that I don’t end up feeling terrible. I think self-acceptance is so important and I’m working on that. I love the idea of “Oh well” that Sue talked about. It indicates acceptance of the situation which perhaps enables you to move forward mentally and not get stuck in a negative loop. I’m always delighted when my son says “Never mind.”

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