Slamming the door

Valentine’s week is always a bit weird for me as it’s the anniversary of my husband leaving. He got the keys to his solo apartment on Valentine’s Day. Sooooooo romantic!

We told the kids a few days later and 24 hours after that he was gone.

It didn’t really sink in that it was OVER at that point, but it was still pretty awful.

I had this mad conviction that we’d spend a year apart, realise we couldn’t live without each other and fall in love again.

Didn’t happen.

I begged him to give our relationship another chance (as reality set in) about six weeks later, but he angrily turned me down. He’d finally found the nerve to get out and he wasn’t about to lose the momentum.

He made the right decision.

You gotta be cruel to be kind. Well, perhaps not quite THAT cruel, the brutal phone conversation cut deep. Then again, maybe I’d have kept chasing reconciliation if he hadn’t slammed the door on our future with such force.

We both moved on pretty rapidly after that, which is a rather massive indicator that the relationship was dead and buried.

It’s been three years since we split. That doesn’t sound like very long, but a lot has happened.

He’s bought an apartment with his girlfriend and they’re moving in together in a few months. I’ve bought a house on my own and made a new life with DD.

There are a few major things that HAVEN’T happened … my ex and I are still married and we don’t have a financial settlement.

I filled out the forms for a no-frills divorce last year … they’re scarily easy to organise online … but, despite endless nagging, I couldn’t get my ex to sign the papers.

It’s not that he wants to get back together, he can just be a little hard to motivate sometimes.

(And men wonder why women nag.)

I think it’s probably better that we sort all that shite out before he moves in with his girlfriend. So I’ve hassled him again.

Hopefully we can make it happen, or at least start the process.

I’d like to shed the last of that dessicated skin.

Are you divorced? Did it take you an eon to get it all sorted? 

Song of the day: Taylor Swift “We are never getting back together”



9 thoughts on “Slamming the door

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  1. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. Sometimes I think if we see the future we would make life a lot easier for ourselves.

    It may have been one of life’s harder lessons but it seems it’s one that has taught you resilience, acceptance and so much more.

  2. Three years and still not settled? What’s he waiting for and wouldn’t his girlfriend want it finalised? You need to be able to celebrate your divorce.

  3. I’m divorced now but it took a long time. We split in 2010 and divorce finalised in 2015. There was a lot of stuff to go through. My ex lost his mother during that time too so to add financial settlement/divorce proceedings onto that was too awful, so we didn’t start organising the divorce until over 2 years after we split and then it took us about 2 years for it to be all final – we both dragged on the paperwork, and division of finances is not a pleasant thing to talk about. And it was compounded by the fact we were living in different cities. And neither of us had new partners. But it’s done and dusted now and there is a real sense of a new life moving forward.

      1. In general yes, thanks Alana. It’s a move that was the right decision for me and my son and I think it’s going well. Would love to tell you more about it sometime.

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