It’s no use pretending

I’m not very good at pretending everything is wonderful when it’s not.

It’s why I look so awful in every photograph taken of me during the last few years of my marriage.

I know a few people who are going through difficult times, but you’ve never know it from their Facebook feeds. They post smiley, life-is-lovely photographs. So when they confess the truth over a glass of wine, it knocks me for a six.

I could do the same thing with today’s blog post: an edited version of reality offering a blissed-out recollection of my drive to Avalon yesterday to watch the sun rise with my man.

But that would only be half the story.

I DID do that yesterday. And it WAS lovely. But there’s an imperfect back story.

It involved me waking up at 4.30am and fretting about whether the alarm would work at 5.45am. As my anxiety grew, any chance of getting back to sleep diminished.

After tossing and turning for the next hour or so, I rose at 5.45am and showered and dressed while fretting about whether I had time for such a mad journey in my busy day. I threw the dogs into the dark backyard with a couple of pig’s ears and dashed out the front door. Then I ran back inside again in a total panic because I could hear them barking … at 6.15am in the morning … in the darkness. Not good.

But when I tried to hustle them inside, thinking I could make a mad dash home on my way to work to let them out, they refused to leave their baskets and proceeded to quietly (I hope) chew on their treats.

So I bolted off again, running slightly late for the 6.59am sunrise but thinking I could just make it.

A few kilometres later I realised I’d left my phone at home. I contemplated leaving it there, but I’d been looking forward to taking some photos and my eldest daughter needed to contact me later in the day.

So I spun the car around, burst into tears and headed for home. I was distressed about being so forgetful, about trying to cram too much into my life and the fact I was going to be very late for that bloody sunrise.

I may also have PMT.

I grabbed the phone from the dining table and hooned off again. I was NOT a happy camper on that trip – my head was filled with silent curses and fury at myself and the world.

I arrived in Avalon around 7.10am. The sun was still rising but I’d missed the magic of those first moments. DD was waiting for me with coffee in the beach carpark.

I was all spikey and stressed, which wasn’t very fair on him.

So I took a deep breath and a few sips of coffee, snapped some lovely photos and started to relax.

We wandered down to the beach to take some more photos of the surf and headland and baths. It was the dawn of a beautiful day.

The morning finally felt lovely and worth the trip.

Afterwards, DD took me back to his place for a homemade bacon and egg toastie. And then he tagged me on Facebook for the first time.

Ah, the modern milestones of love!

All too soon, it was time to dash to work.

But I was smiling … my life isn’t all sunrises and unicorns, but the good far outweighs the bad.

Here are some of my snaps …

Song of the day: Crowded House “Distant Sun”

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