There’s no rhyme or reason

Yesterday was a funny one. Not funny ha-ha, though there were quite a few laughs.

DD and I had burgers and a swim at Bilgola Beach, which was lovely, but also had its difficult moments. I was trying to explain to him why I’d been feeling up and down all week, but not really nailing it.

It’s probably because I’m a bit confused by it myself. Fortunately DD is a good and patient listener.

Anyways, how weirdly amazing is the weather at the moment? I mean, I went swimming in the ocean in mid-May. I’m not a particularly brave person when it comes to cold water, but it’s still totally gorgeous at the beach.

And they’re predicting 27 degrees in Sydney tomorrow! On May 17!

I’m a little worried about what that says about global warming … but let’s face it, I’m a little worried about EVERYTHING, so what’s one more thing to add to the list?

After our swim, we headed to the pub for an afternoon drink to mark the one-year anniversary of the death of one of DD’s soccer mates. The poor bloke had a heart attack on the field – one of three men to die in the area’s comp last season.

DD’s team now has a defibrillator on hand for every game. It’s a little confronting when you’re sitting beside it in your folding chair on the sidelines.

The soccer widow was incredibly strong. I was a bit awed by her, to be honest. She joked at one point during the day about DD being the last person to kiss her husband. DD helped resuscitate him on the field and managed to bring him back briefly, but he died later in hospital.

I’m not sure I could joke about the man I loved – and lost – a year later … maybe I could … I don’t want to find out.

But she was so focussed on making everyone feel comfortable and welcome. Bless her.

Then I drove home for dinner with a few of the school mums who’ve supported me during my marriage separation. They are an awesome bunch of women. Three of them are divorced and it’s nice to be able to have their experience and wisdom to bounce off.

We ate steak and drank wine and talked and talked and talked.

I finally said I had to go home to my slow-cooker beans, which had accidentally been on for 12 hours … fortunately they hadn’t burnt the house down …

And that was my day.

I still don’t feel quite right inside, but I’m managing to have fun between my maudlin moments.

I got a bit cross with myself as I gawped at the beautiful sunset on my drive home. It’s pretty audacious to be moody when I have so much beauty and so many blessings in my life.

Especially when many people are doing it tougher than me.

But there’s no rhyme or reason to feelings sometimes.

They just are what they are.

And now for a few obligatory happy snaps …

Song of the day: Fairground Attraction “Perfect”





4 thoughts on “There’s no rhyme or reason

  1. Someone once said to me ‘There’s no right or wrong feelings, they’re just feelings.’ It was such a revelation for me x

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