Am I “done” yet?

A week after husband left me I wrote a bit of a ra-ra-you-can-do-this blog post called “It’s time to regenerate.”

It noted that my slate had been wiped clean and the world was my oyster, so there was no reason why I shouldn’t slurp it down (with a squeeze of lemon).

I reminded myself I had lots of good points …

I’m ginger …

I’m smart …

I’m funny …

I’m pretty handy in the kitchen …

As my friend Leanne pointed out, I know how to throw a mean party …

And I’ve done some pretty cool things in my magazine and digital career.

Not to mention the fact I make totally awesome babies. Including one who could give Amy Pond a run for  her money in the doppleganger department …

So, I told myself I was starting from a really good place.

Even if there were bits about the future that really scared me …

For example, I hadn’t been on a date in 23 years …

rusty-doctor who

I decided I’d work it out. And, if I was lucky, I’d meet someone who really got me like this …

river-song-doctor-who

 

But I knew I needed to make a few changes. There were aspects of the old me that it was time to discard. While I didn’t have much choice about chucking my marriage on the scrap pile, it was time to get my lost mojo back. This was my second chance at happiness.

A month later, I wrote another blog post wondering “So, who am I going to be for the second half of my life … Like Doctor Who once said: ” I don’t know yet. Still cooking.”

And here I am, two years later, wondering if I’m “done” yet.

It didn’t feel like it yesterday, when I woke up in a panic at 5am, convinced my life was a disaster.

Nothing was right, everything was wrong. It wasn’t that anything particularly crap had happened, I just had a wobbly moment.

It was a bit hard to get back to sleep with the weight of the world pressing down on me, so I lay there fretting for the next 90 minutes.

The rest of the morning was pretty arduous until the smile finally crept back onto my face, assisted by some sweet texts from DD.

Life as a single mum gets pretty exhausting and challenging at times, but it’s not a disaster. And the new “me” that’s been cooking is turning out to be a pretty good dish.

I’m older and a little saggy around the edges, but my confidence is slowly creeping back. I surprise myself each day with the person I’ve become.

I love that I’m more open to new experiences. I’m constantly surprised by the things I enjoy doing. Stuff I didn’t like AT ALL before thrills me.

But the best part is knowing that no matter what life throws at me, I’ll survive and thrive.

I’m pretty sure that comes across in the way my blog posts have evolved. Read one from a few years ago and you’ll be startled by the underlying misery (well, I am).

I suspect anyone who knows me in the “real” world has noticed the changes too. Hopefully for the better.

I don’t think we’re ever “done” … but then, I’ve always been a medium rare kinda gal.

Song of the day: The Jackson Five “Can you feel it?”

 

 

 

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2 thoughts on “Am I “done” yet?

  1. I read a simply written article the other day about highly evolved people. The main point I gleaned from it was that for highly evolved people, life is about the journey, not the destination. It stuck with me even though I’ve read that quote millions of times before. We have to accept changes in life and run with them. We have to find the positives in every element of our lives to feel truly complete.

    Actually I think you look a bit like Amy Pond!

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