I don’t know what to say

One of the amazing things that’s come out of blogging so openly about my marriage break up is all the people – some strangers, some friends – who’ve reached out to me.

I’ve corresponded with so many strong, beautiful souls who’ve suffered heartache or crushing disappointment or survived rocky stuff.

Their experiences are usually way more harrowing than mine. I’m lucky enough to have an ex who is a great dad and remains committed to being a good co-parent.

Those sort of exes seem to be in the minority, going by some of the stories I hear.

Terrible, terrible stories.

I also hear about lots of out-there stuff that happens during divorces.

One single mum griped to me recently that she’s had to put a Post-It note over “Miss April” in her “family calendar.”

Her husband had an affair with Miss April and now lives with her rather than his wife.

Her ex-husband’s mum sends everyone in the family a calendar for Christmas each year, with photographs of all the cousins and aunts and uncles illustrating each month.

Her ex’s mum didn’t want her to feel left out, so she sent the calendar as usual.

My friend was really touched until she started leafing through it and discovered Miss April.

She almost cried when she saw the photograph of Miss April and her ex sitting on a couch smiling with their arms around HER children.

But she couldn’t because her children were watching as she looked through the calendar. So she had to smile instead and pretend it was fine.


I didn’t know what to say to her.

I mean, her mother in law has to support her son’s life choices, as long as they don’t involve violence. You love your child, so you stand by them, even when they slip up.

Her ex’s mum is probably also worried that if she doesn’t accept his new partner, she’ll risk losing him.

But, it’s a bit sad that the mum didn’t realise how upsetting the calendar might be for her ex-daughter-in-law.

My friend is wondering how to tactfully tell her ex-mother-in-law she doesn’t want a copy of the “family calendar” next year. She doesn’t want to appear bitter and mean spirited, but seeing photographs of her children with THAT woman is a gut wrencher.

I think she probably has to just come out and say that while she really appreciates being included in the calendar, it’s probably best that she’s left off the mailing list in future so everyone feel less uncomfortable.

Song of the day: Gotye “Somebody that I used to know”




6 thoughts on “I don’t know what to say

  1. Sometime things go missing too, like the whole calendar. “Where did that go?”
    And replace with a nice one chosen for calming beautiful pictures and strengthening messages. Or they could make their own calendar instead for future years to carry on the tradition with nice pictures of them and their family.
    That’s what I’d be doing. A month is too long to look at exes and their . . . . . Who needs that reminder.

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