When life wasn’t so good

I’m having the most lovely break from responsibility.

Lots of selfish me, me, me time.

My usual default position when it comes to “me” is guilt, but I’m refusing to succumb.

Instead, I’m focussing on feeling inner peace and happiness.

It’s quite glorious … And oddly confronting, because it’s coupled with the realisation of how screwed up “me” had become.

I was searching through HouseGoesHome’s back catalogue earlier today when I stumbled across a disturbing blog.

I wrote a post around this time in 2012 called Family Fatigue Syndrome: the secondary infection.

It includes this passage:

I jealously watch the baby chicks slumber, their little bellies rising and falling. I want to huddle in a corner too. I am so tired. Too tired for Sprog 2’s limpet-of-love act. It’s normally cute, but today I shake her off. I turn away so I don’t see the disappointment in her eyes. I need peace. I hide in the study, staring at the computer, wracking my brain for a blog topic. The only thing that sluggishly comes to mind is “exhaustion”. It seems to be the topic du jour lately. Everywhere I go, mums admit to battling their own weary demons. They confess to yearning for child-free hours to regroup. Next week the Sprogs will be back at school and I’ll berate myself for not enjoying my time with them enough. What if it’s the last mum-at-home holiday I get? I might have a job soon. (Admittedly not terribly likely at this stage). Despite this impending guilt hovering over my head, I can’t help dreading the week stretching before me like a marathon. I wish I drank coffee. Someone should invent caffeine pills so I can ditch this chemical-laced Diet Coke addiction of mine. Oh, that’s right. They have. They’re called No Doz. Hmmm, now there’s an idea … the Sprogs are watching a David Attenborough educational video, they won’t even notice if I duck up to the chemist … No, wait, the Diet Coke is kicking in, better go clean out the chicken coop while my brief energy burst lasts …

That wasn’t good, was it? In fact, it was very, very bad.

I’m so grateful I’m not that person any more.

Sure, I’m still pretty tired sometimes. I still drink Diet Coke. But school holidays no longer feel like a marathon I’m struggling to finish.

They’re a bulk fun adventure – I wish we’d had more time together.

Life in general no longer feels like a marathon I’m struggling to finish.

It has its moments, but it’s also filled with bliss bombs that have me constantly marvelling at how lucky I am.

I can’t wait to tell you more about my “selfish” escape. But I’ve decided to enjoy it first and share it later.

Thank you for joining this bumpy journey with me.

The kindness of those who knew me at the beginning and those who’ve become friends along the way has helped more than you’ll ever know.

xoxoxo

 

 

 

 

 

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6 thoughts on “When life wasn’t so good

  1. Alana

    You are just gorgeous, so real and you wear your heart on your sleeve. One day when I am well I hope to be able to meet up for a yummy along lunch eating tons of carbs and sugary treats and you can drink as much wine as you like because life is too short to cut out all those things! Just add in 30mins of purposeful exercise (walk the pups!) a day instead it is far better for your health and a lot less frustrating, because no-one can be happy when they are hungry lol

    Looking forward to hearing all about the escape.

    Cath xoxo

  2. This is just yet another reminder that the tough times don’t last forever. I’m glad that you’re in a better place. You enjoy your break guilt-free. You’ve earned it.

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