Screaming into a pillow


DD has been trying to teach me to scream into a pillow.

Er … not in a sexual way …


The screaming-into-a-pillow thing is about releasing my anger without making the neighbours think I’m being murdered.

I’m not very good at releasing my anger.

I’m a bit like Richard Gere in Pretty Woman.


You know that scene where he tells Julia Robert about having therapy to resolve his troubled relationship with his father …

Edward: I was very angry with him. It cost me ten thousand dollars in therapy to say that sentence: “I was very angry him.” I do it very well, don’t I? I’ll say it again: I was very angry with him. “Hello, my name is Mr Lewis, I am very angry with my father.”

Vivian: I would’ve been angry at the ten thousand dollars.

I am very angry with my ex … and a few members of his entourage. Sometimes my ex or members of his entourage get me fired up again by doing or saying something that reignites my fury at the injustice of it all.

And I rant to DD. Poor DD.

DD doesn’t think ranting does much good. He thinks screaming into a pillow is a much more effective way of dealing with anger.

I am really crap at yelling, except on rollercoasters or when the dogs start barking at 4am. Those are the only times I don’t have any trouble finding my inner “outside” voice.

But DD insisted I give screaming a go. My efforts were totally pathetic. Glorified squeals really. He explained that I needed to reach deep down into my abdomen and really let loose.

Nope, couldn’t do it.

All the anger gets trapped between my teeth, which clench and make my jaw ache.

DD is really good at screaming into a pillow. He’s had lots of practice.

Er … not in a sexual way …


While I’m hopeless at the screaming thing, I’ve made sooooooo much progress in the past year. Sure, I get cranky about the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune sometimes, but the light far outshines the darkness.

That doesn’t mean the black holes aren’t still there.

I was driving home from DD’s the other night, feeling grateful that I define myself by the good things that have happened in my life rather than the bad.

But then I started remembering some of the worst moments of my marriage implosion and suddenly I was SO sad.

I literally had to shake my head to snap myself out of it.

Falling back into the black hole is no fun.

I’ve survived that horrible time.

I am happy.

I might not have nailed the screaming-into-a-pillow thing, but I have the smiling thing down pat.

Do you suppress your negative emotions? 

Song of the day: Michael Jackson “Scream”


6 thoughts on “Screaming into a pillow

  1. hmmmm screaming into a pillow wouldn’t work for me I am far more of an instant reaction gal so there is typically less repressed anger and a whole lot more screaming either that or the passive aggressive sulk (the only thing is the OH typically has absolutely no idea that I am being passive aggressive) and he doesn’t do conflict at all for a whole raft of reasons so we might argue and he is known to walk out mid sentence (from me) read screaming and leaves me with the kids to sort out the mess and then the kids and I are on eggshells to keep the peace! Ahhhh the dynamics of relationships and people and the baggage we all bring to relationships. My upbringing couldn’t have been more different to my husband’s much of his is only coming to light now not through his choice and let’s just say it needs to be dealt with but I can’t force him …. Makes things quite complicated at times when i now things are ok even if yelling happens but it wasn’t that way in his family …

  2. If ranting works for you why change it? I rant then I run and then I’m normal (or as normal as I can be) again. And of course there’ll still be times when what’s happen bites again. You’re human. But what’s fantastic is that you’ve worked out how to get yourself out of that negative headspace before it really takes hold. That’s huge!

  3. It depends as to whether you are suppressing your anger or accepting it with your smile at the ‘good’ attitude. If the anger is suppressed, then yes DD is right, you need to find a way to release it. The following is a good technique that you might like. Next time your at the beach, stand in the water and with each wave lapping at your feet, see the anger or sadness or rage be washed away. As each wave retreats breathe in clean fresh air and feel free of the feelings you just released. Very hippy but very relaxing way to let go all sorts of stuff!! … And very good for situations you have no control over.

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