Four years ago, I stood behind a grumpy old woman in the queue at the bank.
She was 70 in the shade.
And soooo pernicketty.
At one point, the bank teller had to turn his computer screen around to prove he wasn’t lying to her.
I was his next customer. I smiled sympathetically at him. He took my cheque and looked at his screen. His eyes went a teeny bit wide.
“I was about to tell you how good you looked for your age,” he jovially announced … before exiting the old lady’s account on screen, typing in my details and adding … “You still look really good for your age.”
Thanks for mistaking me for someone born in the 1930s.
Admittedly, I did look pretty crap back then. I’d emerged from the wreckage of my once-favourite job in the world. I was quite broken by it all. And I was feeling a bit shakey about my marriage, too (though I didn’t dare admit it).
Things were a bit grim.
And they stayed that way for a few years until I sparked up again over the past 18 months.
But I still get a bit rattled sometimes by the middle-aged woman smiling back at me in photographs, with her wrinkles and sagging cheeks.
I don’t want to be a middle-aged woman with wrinkles and sagging cheeks.
And I definitely don’t want to be the middle-aged woman with wrinkles, sagging cheeks and a four-month pregnancy bump caused by Freddie the Fibroid.
I looked at myself in the photographs from the eldest’s year 6 formal on Monday night and thought … Fark! Get rid of those grey roots! Put some slap on missus! You’re a wreck!
I’m pretty hopeless on the make-up front, just the bare necessities … and I usually nibble off my lipstick every five seconds from anxiety.
So I’ve decided to give myself a mini-makeover for Chrissy … eyelash tinting, brow waxing, hair colouring and a sparkly new dress.
I’m off to the opening of a snazzy new hotel called Ovolo Woolloomooloo tonight. I still linger on a few travel PR lists, almost a year after leaving my dream job at escape.com.au. Woot!
The invite promises “exclusive drinks at themed bars, DJ booths and surprise entertainment acts.”
I will report from the front line … and hopefully take a selfie that doesn’t make me look like a grannie.
Do you ever get a shock when you see a photograph of yourself and think … who IS that?
Song of the day: Stevie Nicks “Landslide” (AGAIN! Because it’s so beautiful and it’s about getting older)