I’ve always been rigid as a surfboard about stuff.
I’m so uptight, I once had my jaw Botoxed to stop me clenching it.
Things have to be done a certain way. Doing something wrong makes me steely.
I’ve never had the slightest idea about how to relax.
Facials, massages, shampooing at the hairdresser … I spend them – if forced to submit – wanting to scream HURRY UP, HURRY UP, HURRY UP!!!!
Why? Because sitting around doing nothing feels sinful, there’s too much to be DONE.
I rarely watch TV, unless cajoled by someone else.
I feel I must be DOING things: tidying up, washing clothes, writing blogs, checking there’s been no breaking celebrity news, buying groceries …
Sundays are quite the challenge. DD and I usually spend the day together, but can’t at the moment because he’s a solo parent for the next few months, caring for two teens.
We just squeeze in time here and there when he can manage it, between driving kids to various activities.
So I say goodbye to the kids at 10am, looks at a whole day yawning in front of me thinking hmmmmmmm.
My previous, married approach to such a problem would be to go shopping. But I’m trying to be sensible and frugal these days.
OK, let’s not talk about the swing set I finally just bought on ebay for the youngest’s bedroom … more about that later … and the Mexican crocheted hammock swing I bought to hang from it …
ebay doesn’t count – you WIN things on ebay, you don’t BUY them.
I’m getting better at filling in the not-shopping, child-free, DD-free hours. I’ve taken to sliding into the bathtub in the afternoons with a glass of wine and a book.
And I’ll admit, it’s quite lovely.
I’m also enjoying walking the dog in scenic locations and zoning out.
Fortunately, my desperate unhappiness from the weekend finally evaporated late yesterday afternoon as I gazed at the harbour and smiled at my fellow dog walkers.
It’s such a relief when the haze of the red dog lifts.
Hopefully this inability to relax will lift one day too.
It’s a little tricky with all the new demands of single parenthood.
But I feel myself shifting by infinitesimal degrees to a gentler, more zen space.
What do you do to relax?
Song of the day: Christopher Cross “Sailing”