Is this abnormal?

crazy-face-2

I usually do a weekly round-up on a Sunday. But it’s been a massive “my year” and I’m curious: do you think it’s normal to have so much happen?

It feels like I’ve transformed into a one-woman soap opera.

A school mum noted in the playground last week that my life is always dramatic. I’m worried that I’ve turned into one of those people who attracts trouble.

You know, the ones you take a deep breath before catching up and gird yourself for their latest litany of woes?

To illustrate my point, here’s a little timeline of my last 12 months …

February

>> Chickens murdered

>> Kids get nits

>> Husband announces he’s leaving me

>> Husband gets keys to new apartment on Valentine’s Day

March

>> “Celebrate” first birthday in 23 years … that’s half my life … without my ex

>> Start seeing therapist for weekly sob-fest.

>> Suggest more marriage counselling to ex … get brutally rejected

April

>> Attend the Royal Easter Show as a family (and do more sobbing with the therapist after)

>> Kids spend first Easter without me on road trip (“the eldest wanted to know why I couldn’t come too … in a separate car”)

>> Ex angrily assures me that marriage is permanently, irretrievably dead

May

>> Decide to sell the home (might as well if marriage permanently, irretrievably dead)

>> Turn down awesome overseas job offer because of separation logistics

>> Go to Strictly Ballroom with ex as Mother’s Day gift, swallow tears in lovey dovey scenes

>> Youngest wins the Under 8s pairs division of the State Skipping Championships

>> Ex suggests I see a publisher about turning my blog into a book …

>> Give away bunnies … cue distraught tears from the kids … but can’t have rabbits in a rental

June

>> Give away remaining chooks … cue distraught tears from the kids … but can’t have chooks in a rental

>> Ex asks me to have the kids for the weekend so he can go away with his missus (cue lots of screaming and door slamming)

>> Sign employment contract for new job as a travel writer at escape.com.au

>> Sell family home

>> Battle endless UTI

>> Have diabetes scare

>> Discover I’ve inherited a genetic condition from my dad called renal glycosuria, which spews lots of glucose into your body when you exercise or stress too much

>> Receive threatening phone call from tax office

July

>> Get gazumped on new house, leaving less than a week to find roof over my head

>> Ex goes on skiing holiday while I pack up the family home

>> Realise my inadvertent divorce diet has purged 10kg from my body

August

>> Move into rental accommodation as single mum

>> Have my heart – actually I think it was my self-esteem – broken for second time in a year

>> Discover I have large fibroid during pelvic ultrasound by cute male radiologist

>> Book hysterectomy

>> Hold legendary house warming in new rental

September

>> Freak out and cancel hysterectomy

>> Launch World War 3 after ex goes overseas on mini-break without telling me and I write blog slamming him … and he reads it

>> Join RSVP

October

>> Buy house

>> My blog post about dinosaur sex goes viral

>> Go on first (and only) RSVP date. Discuss dinosaur sex. Still get asked on second date. Miracle

>> Get boyfriend

>> Suspend RSVP accout

>> Become text addict

>> Get Mirena instead of hysterectomy

November

>> Catch rogue pig on my morning walk

>> Get called into school over concerns about the youngest’s schoolwork struggle

>> Wander around in dopamine haze

December

>> Spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with my ex and his family and cry A LOT in the car on the way home

>> Dinosaur sex blog goes viral for second time, as 27,000 people frantically search for information on the “triceratops position”

>> Score free night in luxury suite bigger than my rental aboard the Voyager of The Seas

>> Score free night at the gorgeous five-star Sofitel Wentworth

>> Get first mortgage in 23 years without my ex

January

>> Move into new house

>> Get asked out on date by removalist

>> Buy puppy on spur of moment

>> Discover lump in breast

>> Have first-ever mammogram. Result: benign cysts

>> Spend week living it up in fancy restaurants and having freebie night at QT Hotel for work. Get lots of envious comments about having dream job)

February

>> Dream job ends – as they all do – and exciting new chapter begins with secondment to Kidspot.com.au

>> Mirena expels itself in scenes worthy of Carrie

>> Womb is razed and I declare myself barren

>> Cancel housewarming

Yep, all that really happened in a year. Even more juicy stuff went down, but I held it back from the blog and shared it with startled friends over walks and drinks and dinners.

And I’m exhausted.

Bring on a quiet life, I say.

Song of the day: Talking Heads “Wild wild life”

 

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4 thoughts on “Is this abnormal?

  1. Yep, a spectacularly crazy year!

    However, the fact that you write about these events on a daily basis means you can reference each and every one. I suspect many of us have similarly dramatic episodes but, because we don’t record them in such detai, they slip away into distant memories.

    That being said, the separation is a common thread for a large part of your year and that’s a HUGE drama in anyone’s year!

    I’m pretty confident that, one of these days, we WILL be reading a book by Alana House!

  2. I think I began reading your blog in December 2013 so I’ve been here reading about all of it Alana. I started my blog as a release from the stress of five wild and woolly teenagers and I must say it was therapeutic in a vengeful sort of way. Do you think your blog has been therapeutic for you? I think writing helps us distance ourselves and look at dramas from a different perspective. It helped me anyway and now they’ve grown out of their hi-jinks and I have to write about my dogs and other silly inane things. I don’t want the drama back though. Hopefully things are about to go on an uphill slant for you in 2015 x

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