So, there’s this blog idea floating around: three things I like about me.
Miss Cackle wrote a confronting version that included these moving sentences: “I’ve never liked her, the girl in the mirror. I’ve never much liked the girl inside that skin, either. Whether it’s innate or society telling me I should never tell myself I’m okay … Who knows.”
I know that girl, that girl is me too.
I sat in front of the computer screen and tried to write a response to Miss Cackle’s question: “What about you, now? What are three things you like about you?”
It was tricky, but this was what I said: “I like (and hate!) that I’m so resilient. I get knocked down so many times and and I get back up again. I like that I can make people laugh. I like that I always try to be kind and I hope to raise my kids to do the same.”
It’s a bit of a bummer to hate the number one thing you like about yourself.
But I’m a bit fed up with being resilient. I told a friend yesterday that it’s exhausting being strong all the time.
Sometimes it would be nice to have someone to be strong for me.
I got a bit wobbly about Husband being in Bali – as I’ve since discovered via the kids – with his you-know-what. When I get wobbly I start chasing shadows, deciding that I’ve caused offense to pretty much the whole world.
I was positive on Monday night that I’d upset one of my dearest friends when they didn’t reply to an email. Deep down I knew I was making mountains out of mole hills, so I shakily called to set things straight. When their phone went straight to voicemail, it seemed like all my crazy suspicions were confirmed.
Yesterday morning I emailed again and asked if I’d done something wrong.
I hadn’t. There was nothing wrong, no problem, no offence taken. They told me: “Relax, my loyalty to you is absolute.”
That might just be one of the nicest things you can say to an anxiety-ridden person.
I felt a bit better after that. Much better.
Someone’s loyalty to me is absolute. How cool is that?
But it wasn’t quite enough, so I did what I’ve said I needed to stop doing quite so much: mining the marrow of love from my friends’ bones. Lunches and hugs and emails and texts.
And resilient me rose again. Damn me for my strength.
What are three things you like about YOU?
Song of the day: Shoot me, I love it … Katy Perry “Firework”