I was supposed to scrub the bathroom yesterday – my first foray into cleaning for oooooh about a decade, geez it’s a tough life being a single mum who can no longer afford a cleaner – but I got sucked into the vortex that is RSVP instead. Things got particularly interesting just after lunch when a REALLY HOT 40-year-old sent me a “kiss.”
It made a nice change from all the serial-killer types who’ve been cluttering my in-box since Friday night.
I got VERY excited about the hot 40-year-old until I read his profile. Here’s what he said: “Am here looking for the right woman the will accept me for who I am and not for what I have, a very nice, honest, caring, understanding … ” he sounds lovely so far, I know, until he adds … “submissive that will love me till the rest of my life.”
Submissive? What the freaking fark?
He also reckons he’s “spiritual” … not quite sure the two go together … well, not in any world I wish to inhabit.
And, as for all the blokes from the Riverina and Perth and Woollongong who want to chat, sorry but how the bloody hell would that work?
Oh and then there was Ian, whose profile picture gallery included one of him with a Porsche – handily captioned “Ian Porsche Sussex Street” … I know I should be impressed but it just made me go “Oh, fark off!”
Ian looked quite sweet, I was almost tempted to give him a chance, despite his eagerness to point out it was a Porsche just in case I hadn’t noticed … then I scanned the books he was reading and there was just one: Fifty Shades of Grey.
He might be trying to be funny and ironic, but sorry, he’s lost me.
And then there was 25-year-old “Naughty Hunk”, whose profile says “if u are interested in some hot fun..hit me here :)”
I feel a bit guilty that I haven’t replied to any of the men who’ve “kissed” me, mean girl, but I think my friend who hassled me into the whole palaver might be wrong: I’m not sure RSVP and I are meant to be friends.
I’d been planning on making Saturday night alcohol free, too. But RSVP drove me to drink. Just one. OK, quite a large one.
And then I slipped Bridget Jones’ Diary into the DVD player and my outlook on single life got so much cheerier … Well, not really, but my god, Mark Darcy.
Bridget: Wait a minute… nice boys don’t kiss like that.
Mark Darcy: Oh, yes, they fucking do.
Song of the day: Kylie Minogue “Can’t get you out of my head”