All by myself


When I first separated from Husband and freaked out about HIS days – the ones when I wouldn’t see the kids – he told me I’d grow to enjoy the time by myself. I was furious that he’d regard it as some sort of bonus.

But I’ve decided he was a tiny bit right.

Terrible as it sounds there’s an incredible freedom that comes from having a complete lack of responsibility on Sundays. Previously, Sunday was Family Day. Husband works every Saturday, so it was our only day together. I couldn’t help feeling peeved that there was never any time for ME on weekends, because I felt obliged to inhale my family like a tray of freshly baked brownies.

After six months experience at this separated business, I didn’t even mind spending a whole seven days alone while the kids and Husband were skiing. For a start, there were all the spontaneous invitations I was free to accept. A friend rocked up and asked if I fancied a walk … don’t mind if I do! My sister rang and offered dinner at her house in five minutes time … sure! I got a text message from a school mum suggesting brekkie in 30 minutes .. why not!

And the rest of the time there was work (which I didn’t have to worry about leaving early to pick up the kids) and packing and chucking (where I didn’t have to worry about the kids retrieving things from the throw-out pile).

I feel faintly guilty to admit it was cathartic and liberating. And aside from the packing and chucking and crying over signing over the deeds to my house to the new owners, it was also quite fun.

The kids arrived home yesterday afternoon and filled the house with joy and hugs. I’d been expecting them to leave after dinner so I could get on with the packing, but Husband locked himself out of his apartment. So I got the kids for the night and he organised a sleepover with his  … can’t bring myself to say the dirty word.

I was mildly irritated, but after the stuff life’s thrown at me lately it was chicken feed. I made a brief snark about it not being a bad result for him, then smiled brightly and served him a cracker dinner of roasted beef eye fillet and veggies before he left.

I am a freaking saint, I tell you.

Song of the day: Erin Carmen “All by myself”




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