It’s not natural

The separated-but-together situation with Husband continues apace. On the weekend we drove to Newcastle for our niece’s birthday, tomorrow we’ll spend the day painting the back deck (well, Husband will paint while I follow behind with a leaf blower … bloody autumn leaves), next Sunday we’ll go to see Strictly Ballroom the musical as a family.

It should be awkward, considering the circumstances. But we’re getting along like a house on fire.

Which is kinda nice … and kinda awful … all at the same time.

On the positive side, I think it’s helping the kids. They’ve adjusted beautifully to the terrible change to their lives. People assure me that not being at each other’s throats makes it a lot easier for children in these situations.

On the negative side, I can’t help thinking that – at some point – I am going to be replaced at such events by someone else. And that’s going to suck big time – for me and the kids.

So I wonder if I should be withdrawing now: would that be better for everyone? Am I just settling us all up for future pain?

Or is it better to ease everyone out of the marriage gently?

John Aiken, a Sydney-based clinical psychologist and relationship expert told Body & Soul that understanding what you want out of the friendship is important.

“Is it an opportunity for closure? Are you looking to get back together? Do you feel you still need their emotional support?” he says. “If you couldn’t take your relationship further as a couple, why do you want to be friends with this person? If you think being friends with the source of your pain will help you through an emotional crisis, you’re mistaken. Once you’ve had an opportunity to heal, it may be possible to be friends, but not before.”

Puts her fingers in her ears and says la-la-la …

It also does my head in that we get along so well, have two gorgeous kids together, yet we can’t work things out.

But perhaps it’s because we’re no longer together that we get along so well.

Hmmmm … Yes, yes, I know, I think too much about EVERYTHING.

Song of the day: Crowded House “It’s only natural”