I can’t believe what I’ve done

Yesterday was pretty momentous for me. I’m still in shock. I knew it was coming, but that didn’t lessen the blow.

I had trouble sleeping on Sunday night, knowing the enormity of what lay ahead.

We’ve signed the real estate agent’s contract to sell the family home.

Yep, House is soon to be officially homeless.

I held it together for the actual signing, but slunk upstairs for a weep afterwards.

Then I went back downstairs and was a right bitch to Husband. He wasn’t too thrilled with that. He’d prefer we kept everything nice.

And I’ve been very good at keeping things nice because, as my shrink describes it, I’m “other directed”, meaning I have “an excessive focus on the desires, feelings and responses of others, at the expense of one’s own needs – in order to gain love and approval, maintain one’s sense of connection, or avoid retaliation. Usually involves suppression and lack and awareness regarding one’s own anger and natural inclinations.”

But there were household chores involving heavy objects that needed to be sorted, so I reverted to nice and Husband apologised and I cried again and he gave me a hug and it was all very weird.

Fortunately I’d organised lunch afterwards with the divine Sharpest Pencil. Ms Pencil is selling her gorgeous house at the moment and feeling a little sad about it, so she was the most wonderful support.

She also told me I was looking fabulously young and svelte, bless her, which cheered me up immensely.

Doing the grocery shopping sent me back into a funk (it was too late in the day for my ritual V), so I embarked on a 7km walk at dusk to get the endorphins into gear … enlisting a school mum via text message along the way and enticing her to buy me a sneaky pinot gris at the local pub on our return journey. The school mum is a crying-over-selling-your-house soulmate so we yakked ourselves senseless.

And thus I ended the day much perkier than I started it.

Although I was peeved to learn during a phone blather on the way home that my mortal enemy has given herself a dodgy makeover, dying her roots and losing a shed-load of weight. She’s stuck with the ugly stain on her soul forever …  but still, bah.

Song of the day:  Talking Heads “Burning Down The House”