I really f@#ked it up this time

Weep for yourself, my man,
You’ll never be what is in your heart
Weep Little Lion Man,
You’re not as brave as you were at the start
Rate yourself and rake yourself,
Take all the courage you have left
Wasted on fixing all the problems 
That you made in your own head

You know how I wrote a post yesterday called Anger Management and said …

Ugly words filled my head and my fingers itched to translate them into vicious texts.

But lashing out doesn’t do any good.

It doesn’t glue my family back together.

Well, I totally ignored my own advice and had a god-awful row with Husband

Terrible things were said.

Why oh why didn’t I listen to the friend who told me “Get a journal and write all your worst thoughts in that. It gets them out of your head but no one need ever see them”.

I assured her I wouldn’t say the words, I’d just think them. But the moment I laid eyes on him I wanted answers, empathy, hope …

What I got were the terrible things that can never be unsaid.

Sigh.

Ah well, you live and learn and heal and grow and rise to fight another day.

New life, what exciting things do you have planned for me? I’m ready – let’s get on with it …

PS Actually, I really love that Mumford & Sons song. It’s a bit awesome. Have a listen (if you’re ok with the f word):

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2 thoughts on “I really f@#ked it up this time

  1. I’ve had some pretty awful things said about me, and have probably said some pretty ordinary things myself, in the midst of break-ups. But that old saying about time healing all wounds really is true. I’m now on fairly friendly terms with every ex I’ve ever had. These things are always horrible and messy, but it does get better. And it’s OK to wallow a bit in music too. As well-known relationship counsellor Elton John once said, sad songs say so much.

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