Digitally detoxed … but pretty pickled

So, how did my digital detox go?

As we cruised to nowhere on the Voyager of the Seas past the distant spires of the Newcastle coastline, I have to confess I thought WHY couldn’t they move just a little closer so I had wi-fi?

But generally I think it did me good. I feel way less wound up. Which is still hyper for a normal person, but feels almost zen for me.

I can’t say there was much other detoxing going on though …

Although, remarkably, I didn’t have a single drop of Diet Coke on Saturday.

I DID have a glass of bubbles on my mum’s cabin balcony in the arvo, but that’s part of the experience …

There were also two glasses of Pinot grigio over dinner.

And that would have been it … if it hadn’t been for the serendipitous decision to walk along the Royal Promenade during the captain’s welcome drinks where all these nice men in uniforms were handing out free champagne.

Mind you, most passengers I saw were about 50 more sheets to the wind than me. At 4pm on Saturday arvo, as I got the kids a couple of bora bora brews (pineapple juice, ginger beer and grenadine) from the Sports Bar, the guy before me slurred “another long island iced tea thx”

I don’t think “long island iced tea” and “another” really belong in a sentence together. At least not at the strength they serve them at sea.

I’m guessing the loudspeaker announcement later that night of “alpha, alpha, alpha level 5 sports bar” means nothing good ended up happening there.

What is it with adults and alcohol on boats? I swear every person over the age of 18 that I spoke to after 2pm had a slur.

Same goes for food … with all ages. Kids would line up at the free soft serve machine with bowls and proceed to pour themselves a mountain. It made me feel queasy just looking at it.

I’m a fine one to talk. Typical day’s consumption: bacon, sausage, english muffin, smoke salmon, cream cheese, mushroom frittata and scrambled egg for brekkie; chicken pot pie, grilled cod and indonesian rice with peanut sauce for lunch; seafood risotto, orange roughy with potato rosti and lemon sauce and banana baileys creme brulee for dessert.

Hmmmm.

At least the kids have kept active while availing themselves of the endless pizza and cookies. On Saturday they kicked off with ice-skating, then in-line skating, mini-golf and rock climbing. Yep, all those things were available on the boat.

They’d probably have crammed even more into the day except we noticed Man Of Steel was playing in 3D in the main theatre and it was looooong.

It was also horrifyingly violent. Ooops. The kids were completely unfazed but I got numerous lectures from my dad afterwards on how no wonder the whole “cowards punch” thing was such a problem in society.

There was a lot of punching in Man of Steel.

Upside … Henry Cavill, who plays Superman, is freaking gorgeous. Oh my giddy aunt is he hot.

Later that night we returned to the theatre for “Music in Pictures” featuring the Royal Caribbean Singers and Dancers. Did I enjoy it? Well … It felt a bit like a Pilates class (without the planking) is my cryptic verdict.

But as images of A Star Is Born flashed on the screen at on point, it did remind me how lucky I was to grow up with Barbra Streisand as a movie icon. I was transfixed by Babs in Funny Girl. Here was a gorgeous leading lady who wasn’t cookie cutter but still got Omar Sharif. Where are those icons for my daughters?

Erm, have just realized that raving about Henry Cavill’s assets and then bemoaning the lack of female role models for my daughters is a mite hypocritical …

Sunday kicked off with a chocolate lovers’ brekkie in the dining room, in-line skating, a swim, cupcakes from the cupcake shop, awesome burgers, fries, floats and sundaes for lunch at Johnny Rockets – at 4pm as opposed to my usual 11.59am, and I was cool with that … Another sign my digital detox had a positive effect … Mind you, two vodka Diet Cokes MAY have had something to do with it too – complete with dancing waiters (poor bastards work hard for the money … And got a whole $2.40 tip from us, last of the big spenders).

I got a brief hour of freedom after that to rediscover books – Margaret Atwood’s Madd Adam – how could I forget how awesome books can be???

Then it was on to see “The gravitational comedy of Sean Laughlin” in La Scala theatre (I could have done without the “What was the dog’s name in The Brady Bunch?” “Jan” joke) and Big Band Swing with the Royal Caribbean Orchestra in Cleopatra’s Needle (I could have done without the parents who let their kids use the dancefloor as their own personal playground to run screaming around. Brats.).

Cruise and digital detox over. Kids stoked. Mum sick of hearing “I’m hungry, I’m thirsty, I need to do a wee …” on constant rotation.

Thank you to my Mum for an amazing Christmas present.

Back to the real world.

Where on earth am I going to find time to blog the Golden Globes?