Brace yourself

When I was a teenager I had a mouth full of metal for years. It felt like those braces were NEVER coming off.

In fact, they never did.

It drove the orthodontist to his wits end. Every time he tried to remove the braces my front teeth just started fanning outwards again, Chad Morgan style.

In the end he glued a permanent plate to the back of them to keep them in place. It was weird at first, but I’m used to it now, though my tongue permanently rests against its grooves.

I took the kids to the dentist a month or two ago and she chortled something to the eldest along the lines of “You tell your mum she has to buy you a sports car because that’s how much she’s going to spend getting your little sister’s teeth fixed.”

Charming, no?

On Tuesday, the puppy went for his vet check. The vet examined him then turned to me and said: “Did they mention any pre-existing medical conditions when you bought him?”

My heart sank and I proffered a nervous “N-n-no”.

She then informed me there was a problem with his teeth. Two of his baby teeth will need to be removed next month in the hope that the adult ones will come in normally. But if they don’t he’ll need … braces.

Oh yes, dog orthodontics exist and they look like this …

When I told my sister and she finished laughing she said: “That would only happen to you.”

Sigh.