Lindsay escapes jail, Emma denies a shock rumour, Beyonce reveals her diet secrets and the Kardashians hold a vajayjay smell-off. And I thought it was going to be a quiet day …
Emma’s horror role
Emma Watson has recoiled in horror at rumours she will play Anastasia Steele in the film version of E L James‘ Fifty Shades of Grey.
“Who here actually thinks I would do 50 Shades of Gray as a movie? Like really. For real. In real life,” she has tweeted.
Online hacking group Anonymous reported her casting, and gossip sites around the world picked it up.
Lindsay heads to rehab
After showing up 48 minutes later to court and being showered with glitter as she entered the courtroom by a bystander, Lindsay Lohan has agreed to a judge’s ruling that she spend 90 days in lockdown rehab.
She pled no contest to the crimes of reckless driving and lying to police and was ordered to perform 30 days of community labour and undergo psychotherapy for 18 months. There was also a mandatory five days in jail, but it’s been included in her lockdown rehab.
During the hearing, Lindsay’s attorney Mark Heller kept jumping up to talk – and Lindsay was furious. “Don’t say anything else,” she hissed. Heller ignored her and got up to talk again, and Lindsay said, “Oh my god, I’m going to kill you.”
Hilarious! See a video of it here.
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PS Lindsay wore white to court yet again … do you think it’s a subtle “I’m pure as the driven snow” psychological tactic? Although People magazine describes it as a “fashion felony” in itself.
Beyonce’s bikini body secrets
How does Beyonce look so amazing? She swears by pizza every Sunday.
The singer tells Shape magazine’s April issue: “I always have breakfast, say, scrambled egg whites, a vegetable smoothie, or whole-grain cereal with low-fat milk. For lunch and dinner, I eat a lot of fish and vegetables. And throughout the day, I try to stay hydrated. I always treat myself to one meal on Sundays when I can have whatever I want. Usually it’s pizza, which is my favorite indulgence.”
She also admits it wasn’t easy dropping the kilos after she had Blue Ivy, 1.
“I didn’t have a lot of time to lose the weight because I scheduled a show three months after I gave birth, which I would never do again! I ate a very low-calorie diet. I stayed away from red meat and ate a lot of fish, replaced pasta and rice with quinoa.”
The real reason Miley isn’t wearing her ring?
Miley Cyrus still isn’t wearing her engagement ring, but she’s discovered a novel way of denying rumours it’s because she’s broken up with fiance Liam Hemsworth.
Although Miley vowed she was going to stop discussing online gossip, when her backup singer Lindsey Lee tweeted about having to send her own ring to the jeweller to get fixed, Miley responded: “ugh that’s the worst! I just had a similar situation except when it happens to me then everyone says my wedding is off.”
Kardashian’s hold a vajayjay smell-off
I cannot believe I’m reporting this.
In the latest episode of Kourtney & Kim Take Miami, Khloe Kardashian told sisters Kim and Kourtney that drinking lots of pineapple juice would make their private parts smell great.
So the sisters held a competition to drink as much as they could to see who smelled best. They decided Khloe would choose the winner by … sniffing a towel they’d rubbed their private parts on.
And – spare me – she did, after griping “Do I want to be the judge of the pineapple p****? Not really. But we’re sisters – If can’t smell their p****** what else am I supposed to do?”
Her verdict: “Honestly, I will say Kim’s [bleep] smells the best. She’s the Kitty winner!”
Sorry, it’s been a slow day in gossip land.
housegoeshome 
That last story is seriously disturbing!
The Kardashians are disturbing full stop.