I’m a cold, heartless robot

I’ve had a black dog chasing me this week.

My newly found twin has resigned from ivillage and I’m SAD. Well, I’m happy for her because she’ll get to spend more time with her family, but I’m going to miss her.

I felt like having a good, long therapeutic cry about it yesterday, without having to pay $160 to a therapist for the privilege, so I resolved to watch a tearjerker movie to get my tears flowing.

Husband was out for the the night and I’ve been spending far too much time chained to the computer. So I hit Apple TV for some tissue fodder.

The Notebook sounded perfect. Every critic known to mankind promised I’d need Kleenex to watch it.

But I didn’t shed a single bloody tear.

So now I need a therapist after all, mainly to talk through my fear that I have dementia like the main character. Because I had this weird sense I’d seen the movie before.

For those unfamiliar with The Notebook (probably only another five people on the planet aside from me) it’s about a woman in a nursing home whose husband keeps reading her their love story in the hope it will bring her memories back.

I sat the whole turgid way through thinking, this seems vaguely familiar … have I seen it? I don’t know, maybe. No, I don’t remember this bit. But that bit, kinda …

Still have no idea. Maybe it was just that it was so god-awful bland that it reminded me of 50 other movies I’ve watched.

Plus there was my nagging fear that I was a robot for not crying.

And finally, then there was my outrage that it didn’t make me cry. Because I really wanted to cry. Or at the very least get a few saucy butterflies from the love/sex scenes.

Nuh, they didn’t do it for me either.

And here’s where I’m going to commit an act of heresy and say I don’t find Ryan Gosling that hot. He’s kind of ferrety.

So I need some suggestions from you – what’s a movie that’s guaranteed to make me weep? I want mushy romantic not oh-my-god-the-world-is-an-appalling-place tears.

PS ok, ok, he was quite delectable without his shirt on …