I might have mentioned – once, twice, maybe 50 times – that my wardrobe is crammed with work clothes designed for someone in 2010 who was 5kg lighter than my current incarnation. Not quite the look I’m trying to project – even if I could squeeze into them – in my brave new digital workplace.
After two years in cargo pants I’m struggling – literally and metaphorically – to find stuff to wear to the office each day.
I actually strained a muscle in my shoulder last week while trying to shimmy into a tight top, then deciding it made me look like an over-stuffed sausage, and shimmying back out of it.
No, shimmying is the wrong word. It implies grace and sexiness. Thrashing is a more accurate description.
So, anyway, I was wheeling my shopping trolley – filled with rocket and skinless chicken breasts and low-fat yogurt – past Witchery yesterday, and I couldn’t resist hesitating for a sticky.
Ooooh, that’s a nice blue stripey top, I thought to myself.
So I parked the shopping trolley, wheels angled to the wall, and popped inside for a quick squiz.
One squiz lead to another, and before I knew it I was buying the blue and white stripey top, plus a nice green one. As I handed over my credit card I heard an ominous CRASH!
Heavens, I thought, what’s happened? I turned my head and realised my shopping trolley was no longer parked outside, wheels angled to the wall. It was gone.
I screeched and catapulted out the door to discover my grocery-ladened trolley had careened down the ramp and crashed into a kiddie ride. Fortunately the kiddie ride was unoccupied. It also worked in my favour that the kiddie ride was a jeep with a bull bar.
But still, the horrors that might have been.
I breathed a massive sigh of relief … until I returned to collect my purchases and the shop assistant suggested I lie low for a while until the consternation died down.
Oh. Really. You think I might be castigated? Publicly shamed?
Ah, bugger it. I’ve got my nice, new tops. I need to pick the Sprogs up. Dirty looks be damned.
But … I might not park my shopping trolley on ramps while Witchery fossicking again.
Have you ever let a trolley run away?