Totally inappropriate

Earlier this week, I left the Sprogs in my osteo’s waiting room with a Spongebob Squarepants app on my iPad and a bag of Tiny Teddies to amuse themselves. I’m all class. I came out to discover Sprog 1 with her head buried in a book called “A Field Guide To Monsters”. She found it among the waiting room magazines.

If there’s anything guaranteed to get Sprog 1 excited, its stuff about monsters. She’s profoundly disappointed that the other girls at school are into (sneer) “fairies and ponies”. The osteo enthused with Sprog 1 about what a great book it was and lent it to her until my next visit. Canny.

Yesterday, Sprog 1 wandered out of bed and asked Husband if he knew about a man who is “dysfunctional” and tells himself what to do in his mother’s voice and spies on ladies when they are naked in the shower. Husband said, “Is his name Alfred Bates?” and Sprog 1 said, “No, Norman.”

Husband flicked through the book. He glared at me like I was the worst mother in the world. He said it was “inappropriate” for eight-year-olds. (Much like 44-year-old wives using osteopaths.)

On closer inspection – when I had the house to myself and wasn’t flustered by Husband’s stern, disapproving gaze – I discovered the book also includes characters from Halloween, Friday the 13th and The Shining.

And memorable quotes such as: “He died while the two counsellors who should have been watching him were having sex. And now, decades after the fact, he lurks in dark corners, preying on horny teenagers.”


So I’ve hidden it. Better late than never.

EVER DISCOVERED YOUR CHILD READING SOMETHING INAPPROPRIATE? (I ordered The Joy Of Sex from one of those mail-order book clubs when I was 12)

PS Short(ish) one today because – and I apologise in advance – I’m going to try and blog about Hollywood this arvo (if I can squeeze it in before a mole check at the skin cancer clinic), plus I have a Village Voices Christmas in July post on the way. Lets hope the blog spamming doesn’t lose me any more than the four followers who’ve already departed this week …

7 thoughts on “Totally inappropriate

  1. I found out that my 16yr old has 50 Shades of Grey when I casually asked if she had heard of it. (which I have not even glanced at a page as yet) But, my saving grace was, when I asked what she thought of it, she said (with a grimace) “Some weird s*#t going on there, ewww!!! “that’s not normal is it?” And with those words she let me know (I think without even realising it) that she is still my ‘baby girl’ and THAT talk I had about making it (the 1st time) meaningful must have sunk in somewhere in that grey haze of a teenage brain. From what I’ve heard about 50 Shades…The Joy of Sex seems quite tame.

  2. Sprog 1 sounds like a chick you dont want to mess with 🙂
    I guess I should count myself lucky that jokes about poo-poo and wee-wee is as inappropriate as it gets in Chez ‘abulous, at least for now.

  3. Oh dear. I found The Happy Hooker at home when I was around 12. What an eye opener that was! Still don’t know who it belonged to. If Husband gives you too hard a time do remind him he bought the first book in The Tommorow series for his nephew one visit when he was quite young. It was only when I started reading it that I realised it was a litte too disturbing for his age. Still nothing on The Joy of Sex, The Happy Hooker or even Monsters by the sound of it!

  4. I still, after 10 years as a mother, seem to make some elementary mistakes. I’m skiing at the moment with my (just) 10 year old and have made the following mistakes (all in one day that is):
    – almost forgot to get off the chairlift with her because I was too busy telling her a story about her father’s ex wife. The liftie had to get out of his little house to help us
    – even though she had only skied a total of 4 hours, I took her to the top of the mountain. luckily, she’s pretty gutsy and only cried once. Also, she’s not a dobber, so I can rely on her not telling my husband
    – due to taking so long to get down the mountain, she only had time for one bite of a hotdog for lunch before she had to go to her lesson
    – left her peeling potatoes while I went to get a bottle of wine

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