Day 11: cheaper than an old people’s home

Don’t get a fat analysis while on holiday. Too bloody depressing. I got one and am now the proud owner of a supermarket-like docket telling me I have 10% excess body fat, need to lose 8.8kg and have 3.9kg of “toxic water” sloshing around in my body, which must be removed with expensive seaweed tablets (fortuitously sold on the ship). I think I’ll just give up Diet Coke and see how I go. So I’m feeling a bit down, especially since I went to the fat analysis session with Sister who is smaller, fitter and carrying much less body fat than me. One positive to the fatso docket is a feeble new resolve to go easy at the buffet (only had some fish, vegie curry and steamed rice yesterday, very restrained) (then blew it at dinner with  crumbed, fried prawns and aioli). But I’m hoping tottering around in 31C heat at Papeete yesterday afternoon might have done some sauna-like good. That’s about the only good Papeete did. We arrived just as the local market was closing for the day, with minutes to spare for Sprog 2 to beg for a tropical-print dress that Mummy was too embarrassed to haggle over and paid a full-freight $25-$30 to acquire so Sprog 2 could be suitably attired for Tahitian night on the ship. She did look quite lovely poolside as we sipped cocktails and watched Footloose on the big screen (still don’t understand why it needed to be so faithfully remade. Sure, I quite fancy Denis Quaid over John Lithgow, but no-one will ever replace Kevin Bacon as Ren) (Sprog 2 was also delighted to learn the word “bullshit” from the movie and rolled it over her tongue delightedly for the next hour). After dinner we took her expensive Polynesian frock to the Hei Tahiti show in the Aurora Theatre, where I marvelled at my disinterest in the muscular Tahitian warriors, starkly contrasted by my fascination with the swivelling hips of the svelte Tahitian maidens. I’m not surprised The Bounty mutinied.Fun cruise fact of the day: according to my Cruise Compass Newsletter, Mr Herb and Marianne Lucas have sailed 2604 days on Royal Caribbean International. That’s right folks, 2604 days. A bartender tells me it’s cheaper than many American old people’s homes to just pack ’em off on a perpetual cruise. More fun too. For everyone.