Diet! Diet! Or I’m gonna roll away …

There’s this song stuck in my head. It’s by The Village People. The Village People were my favourite band when I was 13. I saw Can’t Stop The Music many, many, many times at the cinema. (Erm, and I now own it on DVD.) I wanted to marry Randy. He was the cowboy. I had no idea The Village People were gay. I’m not even sure I knew what gay was. It was Newcastle in the ’70s. Randy had a pet penguin (so cool!), at least that’s what Tiger Beat magazine told me. Ooooh, I loved Tiger Beat magazine. It had lots of pictures of The Village People and my other big crush, Michael Damian. He was on The Young & The Restless. My love for Michael Damian endured into adult life. In my early 20s, I convinced a workmate to join me at the pub every lunch hour so we could watch The Young & The Restless on TV. I digress. There’s this song stuck in my head by The Village People, it’s called Diet Diet. Here are the lyrics …

D I E T, D I E T (yeah!)

You eat all the time
You sleep with Twinkies on your mind
And candy driving you insane
Food’s on your brain

Ice cream by the pound
You’re hiding junk food all around
Your belly grows more every day
Health’s on its way

Diet,
You’ll feel better if you try it
Don’t you know you better diet
Or you’re gonna have to pay!

So diet,
You’ll feel better if you try it
Don’t you know you gotta diet?
Or you’re gonna roll away!

Shoplift by the bowl
You know you’re losing more control
You’ve got a junk food misery
But you can’t see

Get it back in hand
You’ve got the power to command
You’ve got to coat your appetite
Put up it by

Diet (yes, diet)
You’ll feel better if you try it (you gotta try it baby!)
Don’t you know you better diet?
Or you’re gonna have to pay! (you can do it!)

(why don’t you?) So diet (you got to see it through!)
You’ll feel better if you try it (you’ll see a brand new you!)
Don’t you know you gotta diet (do what you got to do!)
Or you’re gonna roll away!

(Alright everybody, down on your stomachs, 20 push-ups, 200 sit-ups, get the sweat out, get the lead out, let’s see ya! Lose those pounds and fatties!)

D I E T, diet!

Diet (don’t you hear what I gotta say)
You’ll feel better if you try it (you can’t afford to let it go another day)
Don’t you know you better diet (gotta love your body!)
Or you’re gonna have to pay! (you can do it!)

(why don’t you?) Diet (it’s not a hard thing to do)
You’ll feel better if you try it (you’ll see a brand new you!)
Don’t you know you gotta diet (you got to see it through!)
Or you’re gonna roll away! (you can do it!)

(why don’t you?) Diet (don’t you hear what I gotta say)
You’ll feel better if you try it (you can’t afford to let it go another day)
Don’t you know you better diet (you got to love your body!)
Or you’re gonna have to pay! (you can do it!)

(why don’t you?) Diet (it’s not a hard thing to do!)
You’ll feel better if you try it (you’ll see a brand new you!)
Don’t you know you gotta diet (first you got to see it through!)
Or you’re gonna roll away!

D I E T, D I E T, D I E T, diet!

Sheer poetry, right? Couldn’t get away with that in the PC noughties, could you? The reason it’s on my brain is that I really, really want to DIET, DIET, DIET, diet! It’s got to the point there are people I don’t want to see. There are self-tanning booths in friend’s living rooms I don’t want to visit. I’m not obese (I don’t think). I’m just not happy with the extra flab any more. But not quite unhappy enough to do something about it. I keep hoping it’ll be like a drug problem and I’ll finally hit rock bottom. But I’m scared rock bottom will be 120kg. Right now, it’s just 5kg I want to lose. That should be easy. Except I’m incapable of showing even the tiniest bit of restraint. Why must I eat two sausages and mash for dinner then turn around and eat all the kids’ leftover ravioli? What’s with that? I keep thinking, I’ll be good next week. Then I organise a taco orgy with someone. Hopeless.

TONIGHT’S DINNER: Sorry, can’t think about food right now. Too angst-ridden.

One thought on “Diet! Diet! Or I’m gonna roll away …

  1. I totally get it. Before kids I was very capable of not comfort eating but now it’s all I seem to do. And my belly is sooo wrong! I just try not to look down.

    In terms of practical advice. You could try going to a Boot Camp style of outdoor training. We have a client and their business is booming. Mostly cause, you pay for each class you do, there is no obligation to turn up or join, you have access to a personal trainer (in a small group) and it’s in a park so no smelly gym with gym vibe (I hate gyms).
    I only mention it because I know they do really early classes which you could do or I have seen some do it in the middle of the day which is Mummy friendly, too.

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