We had a mums’ morning tea earlier this week to farewell one of the fold. She’s returning to full-time employment after four and a half years at home. I’ve only been at home four and a half months. If I stay at home for four and a half years, I’ll be 48. I’m not sure how exciting I’ll be to employers at 48 without a university degree. She’s only 38, much sexier. She’s approaching her life change with excitement and trepidation. Leaving her six-year-old and three-year-old is a big step. Especially when her new boss reckons the kids “better get used to not seeing much of mummy”. Nice. She requested a part-time role, or to work from home one day a week. Resounding no. Her line in the sand was being late to the office twice a week, so she can drop the kids at school. Her boss grudgingly agreed. She’s hired a nanny to do the rest. While the challenge of the role was a major drawcard, so was the chance to chip away at her mortgage and afford holidays again. Some of the mums were envious of her escaping to the workplace. Earning money. Others despaired about ever working again. All too hard. It’s made me wonder what my workplace utopia would look like. And I’ve decided it would be filled with understanding, supportive mums. Hours would be flexible: early starts with school-pick-up finishes; job shares; school-hours roles; no dirty looks when you leave at 5pm or 5.30. I reckon it would go gangbusters. Working mums work hard – they get the job done (right) and get out. No mucking about, no time for faffing. They’ve got places to go, kids to pick up, dinners to cook. And if they think they can do the job part-time, I say give ’em a chance. Since I’ve stopped work, I don’t see the two-full-time-working-parents scenario as being truly viable. It means outsourcing vast swathes of your parenting to nannies, daycare centres and OOSH. But parents (and kids) need more than that. Our kids should be able to leave school some days with their mum or dad, kick about in their own backyard, do their homework before dark, have playdates. Not be constantly rushed from pillar to post by overstressed adults weighed down by too many responsibilities and expectations. I want to work. I want to be a mum. I want to do both well (and still have time for me). It should be possible. I’m dreaming, aren’t I?
TONIGHT’S MENU: Leftover severed finger sausage rolls from Sprog 1’s party.
housegoeshome 
It’s a dream, but it shouldn’t be. It goes alongside my dream of “what if we all treated others like we wanted to be treated ourselves”. I am in a profession where I am fortunate to be able to flex my times so that most of the time, especially when the kids were younger, I could work school drop off and pick up. I try to work from home when they are home, and can usually reorganise things if they are home sick.
But not always.
For the flipside of my profession is, by its’ very nature, unpredictability. The phone call that takes me away. The chance encounter that turns into something deeper. Miss E will still remind me of the time when “you said you were going to read me a bedtime story. And then the hospital rang.”
I love what I do. I wouldn’t do anything else. But Mummy-guilt is the heardest guilt of all. And somehow, all the Mummy-successes seem naught against one moment of Mummy-angst. For the dream to work, it involves a radical change of culture. And that happens one step at a time.
I can’t even imagine the stresses your job would put on your family life at times. You are amazingly selfless. Much admiration from me …
I work full-time while Hubby is studying full-time by distance. He gets to do the school pickups and dropoffs everyday and tries to go to things at school – I swear I have managed to go to more school assemblies than him this year and I’m also P&F secretary. I try to work it so I get to drop off or pick them up at least once a week. I did love having last week off from work while Hubby was away at an intensve to do the school runs and have craft mornings and lunches with friends.
When he finishes studying and hopefully returns to fulltime work, I’ll be tossing up whether to go parttime again or give up my job all together, I’ll be 46. If I give up work that will be it. Due to recent currency of practice rules I either have to work parttime or not go back at all without having to recommence my studies. Quite a few nurses who have had a career break to raise their kids are now finding that their studies and experience are worthless due to rules that came in in the last 12 months but affect their ability to return to work. It’s a big call.
We’ve done the 2 working stressed parents with 2 kids in fulltime daycare, it was hideous. We couldn’t afford to outsource anything at home due to our daycare costs. We’ll never do it again. Part of the reason we’ve move to the country.
I have friends who’ve moved out your way for the same reason. Shocker. Don’t get that nursing break can’t get back in rubbish – bizarre.
im lucky… mite not earn enough 2 have a mortgage, but, iv been there & done that… my life was work, & i didnt know my family… changed careers & started my own very small business… there’s been ups & downs, but, now im working school hours (mostly)… now, i get 2 go 2 the kids school things (geez, back in the library days for newcastle council – yeah, ill name & shame!!! i was guilt tripped out of attending my grandfathers funeral as ‘there was no1 else 2 open the library’)
I can’t believe the public service could get away with that crap. Appalling!
the 19 year old me didnt think 2 argue my rights… that was a comment from a supervisor i was terrified of…
How productive would such a workplace be.
Wish I could make it happen.
I am lucky enough to work with a wonderful group of working mums and, you are right Alana, we get in, we get the job done and we get home (to be the best Mother’s we can be in the time we have left over).
I strongly belief that workplace flexibility and good work/life balance leads to increases in productivity. But to have new ways of working we have to leave behind some of the stereotypes about working women and about work in general – the way its performed and the way it is measured. It is more important that we achieve the objectives of the jobs we are giving, than being seen sitting at our desk for a certain number of hours – ie the “Presenteeism” phenomenon. Particularly in Management roles.
But challenging stereotypes is exhausting. And culture change takes time.
Lots of time. My Grandmother had 12 children. And worked outside the home. With 12 children two incomes was an economic necessity. Although our standard of living has increased and the jobs we have access to has got broader, two incomes is still an economic necessity for many families. It’s funny, I never heard my Grandmother, or anyone else, describe her as a ‘working mum’. So maybe at least it’s up for discussion now?
Here, here! I say it’s all about keeping good people. If they perform, deliver and don’t let the team down, I don’t care what time they leave at night.
I strive to be the mother who can do both – work a fulltime, fulfilling career, and be a great mother to my young daughter and even younger son.
Yes, they spend a lot of their day with our loving Nanny, and yes, I often race through the door at 6.30pm just in time for bath, stories and bed. But my children don’t think for one minute that they’re “parented” by anyone other than their parents.
My kids had a loving nanny too when I worked. We still spend time with her now she’s off the payroll. She’s more like a member of the family. We count ourselves very lucky to have found her.