Forever friends

Much like marriages, some friendships don’t last the distance. 

And that’s OK.

Well, I tell myself that’s OK, but it’s something I still struggle to get my head around.

It’s weird, because I am very realistic about marriages and their staying power.

Couples meet when they are young and change a lot over the decades that follow.

If you are lucky you still like the people you become and your love endures. But it requires a lot of commitment and dedication on both sides.

My marriage failed because we didn’t maintain that commitment. We drifted apart when we stopped communicating and connecting.

Until recently I didn’t regard friendships the same way. They were for life and I would fight tooth and nail to hold onto them.

The sense that we were drifting apart didn’t stop me desperately trying to keep in touch. 

But, as I get older, I am becoming more realistic about the competing demands on everyone’s time and the different paths we all walk.

When I look back at the guest list for my 50th birthday, for example, I haven’t seen many of the attendees since that night. 

Over the last 12 months, even more friends have slipped away from my life.

Sure, we’re connected on Facebook, but very few people post personal stuff these days.

When I started searching for theories on why friendships fall away, I came across a post from a blogger called Jehava Brown that resonated with me

She said: “Some friendships last forever, others come and go from our lives, but they all serve a purpose and help us grow and learn.”

Brown said she makes sure to be constantly learning how to be a better friend. She focuses on loving her friends well and being there when they need her. 

I think I could do better in that regard. I could listen more and be there more. I worry that my friendships are sometimes lopsided, with my friends giving more than they receive.

I am haunted by a few friendships that have faded away, ones that I truly valued. I wish I could have a second chance. 

Brown says that she is a FOREVER friend, which can result in disappointment when connections fray. 

But she’s right, you can’t control other people’s actions or decisions. 

You need to respect them, move on, learn and grow.

There are friendships that had their place in time. I still care for those friends and would be thrilled to see them, but there are only a finite number of hours in each week. I struggle with the juggle of work, side hustles, family, pets and partner.

It’s a lot, mostly self-imposed. Sometimes I feel an overwhelming urge to run away from the weight of everything I have put on my shoulders.

But, like Jehava, I am a FOREVER friend. If you need me, please tell me, and I’ll be there. 

Song of the day: Carole King “You’ve got a friend”