Guess what I got for Christmas?

COVID-19.

Worst. Present. Ever.

I am not alone. Well, I am, I’ve been isolating by myself for the last four days … but there are thousands of people in the same situation as me.

A report in the Sydney Morning Herald reckons some Australians are currently battling their fifth bout of COVID-19.

Blimey.

As you may recall, this is my second Christmas with COVID. Last year’s bout was more dramatic because it got me while I was in Fiji with the kids.

Worst. Holiday. Ever.

This time around, I hadn’t been feeling great for a week or so, but I put it down to exhaustion.

Just to be on the safe side, I did a RAT test before heading into the office last Monday.

Negative.

I started coughing last Tuesday night while doing a virtual whisky tasting. I ended up not even sipping the last two whiskies because I felt so wan.

That night I tossed and turned in a feverish haze, desperately hoping I was imagining that I was unwell as I had a Christmas party on the Wednesday night.

When I struggled out of bed the next morning it was pretty clear I wasn’t going anywhere.

I did another RAT test.

Negative.

Then I slumped in bed for what felt like the sickest day of my life.

I was so ill that I could barely lift my head from the pillow. I was shivering, nauseous, headachey and coughing. But I figured it was a virus because of the negative RAT tests (there was a third one in there at some point but my COVID-addled brain can’t recall when).

After another awful, feverish night, I struggled out of bed and did my fourth RAT test.

Positive.

I immediately texted my ex, asking him to rescue the kids from the plague house and take them for PCR tests (which were thankfully negative), as they were heading off on holidays together on December 23.

I cried as I said goodbye to them from behind closed doors.

And then it was just me and the dogs for Christmas.

At one point I felt so sick that I wondered whether there was anything a hospital could do anything to help, because Nurofen definitely wasn’t.

Thursday passed in much the same awful way. I had barely eaten for three days because the nausea was so bad. I lay curled up in bed feeling sooooo miserable.

My sister texted and asked if I wanted anything. I didn’t feel like eating, but thought I should try. So I asked for some hot chips and Diet Coke.

When she dropped them off at my front door, I was in the bathroom contemplating whether to heave my guts up.

I struggled to my feet, collected the chips and crawled back to bed.

What happened next is either an amazing coincidence or Alana’s miracle COVID-19 treatment.

After a handful of chips and a few swigs of Diet Coke I suddenly started feeling much better.

I could actually sit up in bed for the first time in days!

That night I even managed to move to the couch and mainline the latest season of Emily In Paris.

On Friday afternoon, DD dropped off some groceries and I settled in for my Christmas in quarantine.

Spending Christmas Day by myself was pretty blah, although it was lovely of DD to drop off some Christmas lunch.

I have been so, so bored. If I was well I would have been busily getting my new apartment fancied up and tapping away at the computer. But I have been very not well, so I’ve drifted between the couch and bed, scrolling through my phone and watching tellie.

While that might sound like bulk fun to some, but it’s not my idea of a good time. I would much prefer to be getting the last of my moving boxes unpacked and tapping away on the computer.

When not napping, I have been wondering whether my decision not to get vaccinated for a third time because I got a bit sick after the second one was a wise one.

My verdict: not wise.

The way I felt last week was nothing like the mild sickness that I experienced after my second vaccination.

But I will feel a bit invincible as I celebrate the New Year and throw myself into everything January has to offer without the fear of COVID hanging over me.

I can also conclusively report that what makes Christmas special is the people. Without them it feels like any other day.

I hope you had a lovely Christmas. And if yours was spent in iso, I feel your pain.

PS If you are unfortunate enough to catch COVID, have some chips and Diet Coke and let me know if my panacea works for you too.

Song of the day: Nick Barker “Time bomb”