There were some deeply regrettable incidents involving animals yesterday.
The day started with me finding a huge huntsman in my shower. I HATE spiders, so I panicked and tried to drown it.
(I know huntsmans aren’t actually animals, but for the sake of brevity, I’m group classifying.)
As the poor creature fought for its life, I suddenly thought What would Matt Damon do?
This is what Matt Damon would do:
Matt saved the huntsman … then put it on Chris Hemsworth’s doorstep …
So I turned off the shower and used a government letter urging me to get my COVID booster shot … useless piece of paper at the moment … to scoop the spider up and deposit it outside.
But it was too late, it was dead.
I felt deeply remorseful about my cruel act.
I am also feeling deeply remorseful about deciding to clip the dog to save money.
I am a big picture person rather than a details oriented one, so I didn’t read the instructions and just turned on the clippers.
It became immediately apparent why guards are necessary on clippers because instead of grooming the dog, I shaved him.
Well, I shaved bits of him.
It looks even worse in real life than these pictures suggest:
I’ve decided some things should be left to the experts, so now I need to find one who can mitigate the horror I have inflicted on the dog.
I had to walk a different route to the coffee shop yesterday because I was too embarrassed to let my regular contacts see what I had done to Charlie.
Speaking of contacts … I went on a frantic search for COVID tests because I was convinced I’d succumbed again after discovering a close contact had it.
It would be very, very, very unlikely that I would catch COVID twice in three weeks, but I wouldn’t put anything past me.
I checked the find-a-rat website, which told me my local newsagency had tests. I was a bit nervy about getting a rat test from a newsagent, but I figured it was worth a try. They were $30 for two and I was just about to hand over my money when I realised they were saliva tests.
I don’t know how I feel about saliva tests, so I took my chances at the pharmacy around the corner instead. It didn’t have a “no rat tests” sign in the window, so I slunk in and asked. The woman looked furtive and said they were only selling them in packs of 20 … for $250 … fark!
I was on my lunchbreak, which I’d already lost 30 minutes to dropping the youngest to the gym and getting her some tea tree oil, so I handed over my credit card.
And, of course, I don’t have COVID.
I have no idea what we’ll do with the other 19 tests, since all three of us in the household have recently had COVID.
Let me know if you need any and I’ll do you a deal.
Let’s call that panic purchase my third mistake of the day.
Song of the day: Split Enz “That was my mistake”