Fish out of water

I sipped a cocktail last night while a latex mermaid writhed at my feet.

As you do.

I’d invited my lovely friend Sam to the opening night of an art exhibition – I had two free tickets from Bombay Sapphire, which was hosting a pop-up bar at the event.

As we sipped our complimentary cocktails, the latex mermaid dragged itself out from under a giant sparkly beach ball and gasped for breath.

I think it was a performance artist, but it also only had a tiny little breathing hole, so I was a bit worried that its writhing was real.

Imagine telling people what you do for a living: “I’m a professional fish out of water.”

Riiiiiight.

As I drove home, I pondered the strange lives that influencers must also lead.

I’m not sure how they explain what they do without raising eyebrows. I’ve spent the past few days watching them strut their stuff and their work is just one long photo opportunity.

Their job description is looking like they are having the best time ever. See pic below:

Take Tayla Cohen, the young lass on the far right.

The Daily Mail described her in an article as “an aspiring fitness influencer” who “appeared to go underwear-free in a flimsy wrap-around dress that barely covered her modesty” at Centennial Homestead on Wednesday. She was there to celebrate the launch of Grey Goose vodka’s summer campaign.

#greygoose #smoothsummer

I can confirm her dress/scrap of fabric was quite something in real life, I have no idea how she didn’t flash her vajayjay at some point, especially while she was pretending to play boules for the delighted photographers.

Richard Wilkins was there too with his son Christian (above left). They were quite the power couple.

There are no official photos of me at the event because I am not an influencer. I just get in the way of influencers while they are taking or appearing in photos.

#sorry #notsorry

I attempted to talk to one of the influencers who was there alone, thinking she might appreciate some company, but she was deeply unimpressed at having her work interrupted.

At 6pm, a waiter handed me an espresso martini, which was a bit surreal because I’d also been sipping one at 8am that morning.

Before you start worrying about the state of my liver, the morning cocktail was non alcoholic.

I was at The Boathouse Rose Bay for a function hosted by Lyre’s, which is making a freaking fortune around the globe selling non-alcoholic spirits. It was a breakfast cocktail party, with influencers sashayed around in tiny shorts drinking non-alcoholic prosecco, margaritas and espresso martinis at sparrow’s fart.

#surreal

I forgot to share the blog post about it on Facebook yesterday. Click here to read it.

Things were a bit more real at the first event I went to yesterday. It was for Konvoy kegs at White Bay Brewing, which is located in an industrial part of Rozelle. There were lots of blokes at the event in shorts, including the CEO. There was also a pizza van and you just had to waved your red wristband at the blokes manning it and they’d hand you a freshly made pizza in a box. It was awesome.

I am quite bold these days and ask CEOs to pose with me for photos.

#aspiringb2binfluencer

Then I jumped in the car with my free pizza, picked up my friend Sam from her place and headed to The Other Art Fair Sydney.

The Other Art Fair is being held in The Cutaway at Barangaroo, from 2nd December (Opening Night) – 5th December. The Cutaway is an amazing, cavernous space that is providing visitors with the opportunity to discover and buy contemporary art direct from emerging artist, with 109 emerging artists selected to exhibit across the four day fair.

Sam’s husband happened to be there too, because he’s good friends with one of the artists, so I shouted him a free cocktail then we went to say hello to the exhibitor. He embroiders artworks onto cleaning sponges, and he’d also created a sequinned Donald Duck on a Persian rug.

#funky

A custom, pop-up Bombay Sapphire cocktail bar had been built for guests to enjoy fancy beverages during their experience at the fair.

Bombay Sapphire worked with nearby venues such as Apollonia and Hotel Palisade to create the four cocktails and we had complimentary vouchers to try them. We highly recommend the one with mandarin and yuzu. Delicious!

#bombaysapphire

Bombay Sapphire and Grey Goose are both Bacardi brands, so I got to high five the same team as the previous night at The Homestead. They will be backing up and doing it again all weekend.

A middle aged bloke/total stranger saw me taking photos of my drink and thought it was most bizarre. He said I should be taking photos of myself. Ain’t nobody wants to see that on my Drinks Digest Insta feed.

#middleaged

I told him I was taking photos because I have an alcohol website, so he brought his lavender cocktail over a few minutes later and insisted I take a photo of it.

Sam thought maybe he fancied me, but I wonder if he was just a bit lonely. DD and I met a similar lost soul at the whisky mixing event we attended the other week – he was recently divorced and looking for a way to pass a night.

Anyways, I decided Sam and I should probably take a photo of ourselves.

Fortunately there are no events on today, because I am #knackered

This weekend is a bit mad though. And I think I start my new job on Monday at 8am. I still won’t believe it’s actually happening until then. Stay tuned for the official announcement.

Have a fab weekend!

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