Does my tongue look big in this?

I went to a new dentist yesterday who remarked on the size of my tongue.

You may recall the last dentist I saw said I had a “dominant tongue”. And he wasn’t referring to how much I talked. He meant it was disproportionately large for my mouth.

My tongue is so big that it has scalloped edges from being wedged against my teeth.

It makes it difficult to give me a check up.

I noted to the dentist that I also had a big skull. He politely said that meant I had a big brain (nah, it just means its hard to buy hats). So I asked him what a big tongue was a sign of.

He said he didn’t know, so I said I’d have to Google it. He told me to look up macroglossia.

That was a bit sobering. None of the things that can cause macroglossia are fun.

I don’t think I have any of the disturbing conditions. I probably just have an unusually big tongue. And its probably why I’m part of the 65 to 81% of the population who can roll their tongue into a U shape … not that it’s actually useful for anything.

The dentist also asked if I had trouble eating spicy food because I have big fissures in my tongue too. Sexy talk.

I’ve also Googled that and it turns out only 5% of people have cracks in their tongues. They can also be caused by disturbing conditions … or just happen for no reason.

I felt like a million dollars when I left the dental centre last night.

In other disturbing news, I went into the youngest’s bedroom to tell her there were almost 2300 COVID cases in Victoria yesterday and saw a book on her bed: East of Eden by John Steinbeck.

It looked very pristine and new. I asked how she was getting school books while at home during COVID restrictions.

She said: “I bought it online.”

And I said: “You’re paying for your own school books online?

And she said: “It’s not a school book.”

I was like: “Sorry?”

Apparently a YouTuber called Emma Chamberlain recommended it, so the youngest thought she’d give it a go.

I had no idea who Emma Chamberlain was, but #respect

The youngest has never bought herself a novel in her life. When we tried to read books to her as a child she would pluck them from our hands and throw them away. (As opposed to the eldest, who would crawl to the book box over and over and over again to get books for you to read out loud.)

The youngest has made it to almost Year 11 fudging English essays about books by reading selected parts or watching the movie adaptations.

Who the hell is Emma Chamberlain and how did she weave this magic?

According to Google, Chamberlain has been involved in the YouTube community for some time now, starting her channel just before she was a junior in high school in 2017. She became such a sensation that she dropped out of high school and moved to Los Angeles to focus on her YouTube career full time.

She was invited to Paris for Fashion Week by Louis Vuitton in 2019, has appeared on Cosmopolitan covers and even has her own coffee company, Chamberlain Coffee.

Never heard of her, but I’m very impressed she got the youngest to buy a book.

On the subject of shocking, I was writing a story about Baileys releasing an Apple Pie Liqueur yesterday and I headed to the website to get more information. It had an age gate on it that only went back to 1970 … two years after I was born.

Way to make me feel like I’m not the targeted demographic. I’d have thought lots of people born before 1970 would be super keen to try it.

But hey, what would I know as an over-the-hill 53-year-old, huh? So I said I was born in 1970 and it let me in. Cheers.

Admittedly, it does sound very yummy. Read more here.

OK, better get up. The dog has been barking to be let out of the laundry since 5.50am. Little bastard.

Song of the day: Madonna “American Pie”

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