Nothing lasts

Not cars or whitegoods or marriages …

Does your suburb have its own community Facebook group?

My local one is filled with people asking for handyman recommendations or complaining about people parking too close to their driveways, with accompanying pics.

Last week, someone asked for advice on whether they should buy a Renault. I had a fairly strong opinion on that. Oooooooh no, they should not. Shite cars. I gave the woman a comprehensive rundown on why she should steer clear of those farking French lemons.

I’m not expecting anyone to ask for advice on whether they should buy an Everdure dishwasher from Bunnings. I doubt anyone in my neck of the woods would contemplate such a daft thing. But, if they did, I’d be equally vocal – don’t buy an Everdure dishwasher. Everdure should have stuck with barbecues, their dishwashers are total shite.

And don’t get me started on ear buds and phone chargers. I’d be richer than Croesus if I still had the money I’ve shelled out on them every month for the past five years. That goes for the expensive Apple ones down to the $5 Kmart specials.

Remember when things lasted forever?

Not any more.

If something breaks these days, you throw it away and get a new one because it’s not worth fixing.

It’s the same with marriages – one in three end in divorce in Australia. In the US it’s estimated to be as high as 50%.

I read two articles last week that have been making their way under my skin. The first was from The New Yorker, called “In Defense of Adulterers”.

It noted: “While we’ve become considerably more relaxed about premarital sex, gay sex, and interracial sex, our disapproval of extramarital sex has been largely unaffected by our growing propensity to engage in it. We are eating forbidden apples more hungrily than ever, but we slap ourselves with every bite.”

The article quoted couples therapist and relationship guru Esther Perel’s new book, “The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity”, which asserts that the desire to stray is not evil but human.

I agree – adulterers aren’t evil. Well, maybe some of them are, but evilness isn’t usually the driver. Adultery is generally the result of being horny or lonely in your marriage or both.

On that note, the second article that caught my eye was Natalie Joyce discussing Barnaby’s affair in Australian Women’s Weekly. She revealed that Barnaby hadn’t been around for months before Vicki Campion’s pregnancy became public knowledge.

He just stopped coming home.

I don’t understand how Natalie could leave it like that – wouldn’t you start getting a little concerned that you had a big problem on your hands?

And then she found out what he’d been up to.

When the shite was about to hit the fan, Joyce begged Barnaby to come home and tell his daughters in person the news she’d kept hidden for some time.

He didn’t. I wonder if he regrets that now?

One of the few smart things to come out of Barnaby Joyce’s mouth recently is: “You show me the person who has a perfect marriage and I’ll show you a liar.”

I hear you on that one, Barnaby.

His marriage was obviously in bad shape. I doubt Natalie was happy in the relationship either. But getting another woman pregnant while you’re still married to the mother of your four children is pretty ordinary.

So many people want to get out of their marriages, but are too cowardly to face their partner about it. So they have an affair instead, which is a pretty low act.

Not evil, just very poor form.

If you think you marriage is so far beyond saving that you wish to seek solace in the arms of another, it’s a flashing neon sign that it’s time to man (or woman) up and break it off with your partner BEFORE you impregnate someone else and then expect your partner to conceal the transgression from your kids.

Perel is much more warm and fuzzy about adultery. She reckons if couples could take a more sympathetic, less catastrophic view of infidelity, they’d have a better chance of weathering its effects. Psychologists are very good on theory. I find reality a little more confronting myself.

Perel claims an affair can not only save your relationship, it’s also chance to transform “the experience of infidelity into an enlarging emotional journey.” She says being roused from sexual complacency by the threat of a third party may be just what you need to reignite the sexual spark in your marriage.

“There is nothing like the eroticised gaze of the third to challenge our domesticated perceptions of each other,” she writes.

Yeah, nah. I don’t find that a turn on AT ALL. Do you? Surely there are less traumatic ways to bring the horizontal boogie back?

In the case of Vicki, the eroticised gaze resulted in the birth of a baby called Sebastian – the name Natalie had always planned on using if she had a son of her own with Barnaby. (Another example of very poor form.)

Mind you, I could almost forgive Barnaby for his middle-aged crisis – falling in love again at 50 is a giddy experience – if he hadn’t been such a sanctimonious bulldog of a politician.

Nobody’s perfect … let he who is without sin … we all make mistakes … and all that jazz … but I don’t have much time for sanctimonious, cheating cowards.

I reckon accidentally tripping into another woman’s vagina once is one thing, but doing it for months or years (while actively campaigning as a pollie against same sex marriage/vaccinations for HPV etc) is another can of total worms entirely.

Maybe Barnaby should head to Washington and get himself a job with the Trump administration? I think he’d fit right in.

Song of the day: Lenny Kravitz “It ain’t over til its over”

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