I often beat myself up about the “should have dones”.
Whenever I walk the dogs in the park, I’m reminded of the years I spent there with little ones and my heart aches a little.
Don’t it always seem to go, that you don’t know what you’ve got til it’s gone …
Back then, I had trouble letting go and playing with them. Now I wish I could have another chance to spark the infectious laughter that filled the air when mum became part of the game.
They don’t laugh like that in their pre and early teens, at least not with you.
I miss their little hands holding mine. Now they walk a few paces ahead of me at the shops in case someone from school sees them.
I wish I’d been better at the imaginary games while they still wanted to play them.
But one thing I’m pretty sure I got right is the love.
I’ve always hugged them every day and told them that I love them.
I was autumn cleaning the youngest’s room on Saturday and discovered a notebook she designed in DT. The picture above is the caption she put on the front of it.
Oh it made my heart swell.
I’ve parented a kid to age 12 who comes up with mottos like that.
In my daily internet travels, I see so many terrible stories.
I’m saddened by what’s happening to kids in the US: being forcibly separated from their parents if they cross the border illegally; being ignored – or ridiculed – in their pleas for gun control; dealing with a total death rate for those aged 10 to 19 that rose 12% between 2013 and 2016 (suicide rates increased a harrowing 56% between 2007 and 2016); and facing rapidly diminishing public health initiatives, just to name a few.
At the same time, the efforts to clamp down on abortion are becoming more and more intense. There’s even widespread speculation the historic Roe v. Wade ruling that decriminalised abortion will be overturned.
I don’t understand how a country can be so obsessed with the preserving life in its embryonic form, yet so unconcerned with children’s welfare once they leave the womb.
It makes no sense to me.
None at all.
It also makes my worries about not having played enough with my children seem insignificant by comparison, because – right now – I have a kid who decided to be the girl who goes for it.
And that’s a very special thing.
Song of the day: Joni Mitchell “Big yellow taxi”