I too must bork

Are you a crazy dog lady? I’m a crazy dog lady.

I have two small and very annoying fur babies who are totally obsessed with me … I may be totally obsessed with them too.

When I come home from work, they’re perched on the back of the sofa, peering out the front window, waiting for me to return. When I emerge from my car they start frantically pawing at the glass and barking with delight.

I wave madly to them and yell “Hello! Hello!” even though they can’t hear me through the double glazing.

Actually, I don’t have to go to work for this ritual to occur. There are similar levels of excitement when I return from putting the garbage out.

I have two goldfish in dog form.

I’ve been tickled by a Twitter account I’ve found called Thoughts of Dog, which you’ll find at @dog_feelings

It’s filled with the daily musings of a mutt.

Here are some of my favourite recent tweets:

“hi. i have some big news. but it must. remain secret. according to my fren. very soon. everything. will be attacked. by little lights.. a tree. will grow. inside the household.. the rain drops. will get fancier.. and one morning. we open boxes. that contain. your wildest dreams”

“i. had a nightmare. that the boing sproings. behind the doors. came to life. and started chasing me”

“gooooob morning. my stuffed fren. sebastian. and i. are on skittle watch duty. until the afternoon snooze. the skittle. i speak of. is under the fridge. and hasn’t moved. ever.. but one day. it could. and that is why. we watch”

“i know. how scary. bath time can be. so whenever. the human showers. i make sure. i’m also. in the bathroom.. for solidarity”

“the human. just refilled. our food bowls. thinking that. they forgot to feed. my fren and i. this. is a magical night. second dinner. rules”

“the human believes. they lose their socks. in the washing machine. but oh no. i steal them. way before that”

“i hear. a borking. in the distance. this means. i too. must bork. so that everyone knows. i heard. the initial borking. it’s common courtesy”

It’s given me some light relief during a heavy few weeks.

Song of the day: Florence & The Machine “Dog days are over”