I may backslide, but …

I’ll probably jinx it by writing it down, but I think I’ve passed another post-marriage-break-up milestone.

I’ve had four booze-free days a week for the past fortnight.

And it hasn’t been tough at all.

During the years when my marriage was imploding an unhealthy habit sprang up.

My husband’s coping mechanism during those unhappy times was to open a bottle of wine every night and hand me a glass.

Up until that point I hadn’t been much of a drinker. Oh, I’d do the occasional job on myself, but I could go a whole week without wanting a wine.

However, after a few years of having a bottle of automatically opened and a full glass placed in front of me, it became a hard habit to break.

It felt even harder during the early months of separation, when I was a total mess struggling to hold it together.

So I’d have a few glasses each night, every night, to relax.

Drinking to relax isn’t such a great idea. I think it’s called self-medicating in therapy circles.

I became increasingly uneasy with the fact that I was moving from “wanting” a glass of wine to “needing” a glass of wine..

I also didn’t feel great. After a couple of wines I’d be so weary I wanted to go to bed at 9pm.

I tried stopping a few times, but the yearning to sip was strong.

I don’t know what changed, but I’d like to think it was part of my emotional evolution – that I’ve kicked another notch in my healing journey.

There have been plenty of stressful moments over the past few weeks, but they haven’t driven me to drink.

I’m not being proscriptive about it. If I’m out with friends or at a dinner party or something I have a drink. But if I’m just at home watching tellie I don’t.

I feel really good about the self restraint I’m showing. And just imagine the money I’ll save!

I’m also hopeful that I can apply that self restraint next to my food intake. Geez my pants are getting tight.

Song of the day: Cold Chisel “Cheap Wine”



3 thoughts on “I may backslide, but …

Add yours

  1. Go you! I went to a Chinese herbalist last week thinking I was waking up in the early house because of peri menopause. Unbelievably it is due to drinking alcohol at night. My Fri and Sat night sleep is always difficult. I was too distraught to listen but it has something to do with the liver. It has to be age thing. I guess I will have t have my wine for breakfast instead.

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