Just a few weeks ago I wrote that I was still really angry with my ex.
Well, much like my renovation revelation earlier this week, I realised something almost immediately after I pressed send on that blog post.
What I’m actually cranky about is that I’m not angry at him any more.
How dare I let him off so easily?
What sort of idiot am I?
A happy idiot who’s moved on and realised it takes two people to screw up a marriage.
I wish he’d handled things differently – I’m still angry about what he DID – but I see now that what didn’t kill me made me stronger.
It made me face my demons and sort myself out.
I’d become like the main character in one of the kids’ favourite movies, Warm Bodies, shuffling through my days like a zombie.
It was quite obvious yesterday afternoon, as my ex and I sat together proudly watching our eldest daughter perform in her high school jazz band at a local street fair, that we are genuinely friendly with each other.
We chatted about the kids, the upcoming school holidays, our extended families and work.
It was nice.
This morning he will come to collect the kids for Father’s Day. I’ve helped them choose him some thoughtful gifts.
I’m glad I don’t have to spend Father’s Day with him like he wanted that first year we broke up, but I do hope he and the kids to have fun together without me.
I am pleased we’ve negotiated our way though the wilds of separation so gently.
Well, those first months were pretty freaking awful – and the opposite of gentle – for me. But the kids were kept out of it and put first.
It was hard. It still has its moments. But it’s been worth it to protect them.
I know today won’t be easy for many of you.
I have friends and followers who’ve recently lost their dads.
I have friends and followers whose dads have been pretty rubbish.
I have friends who are great dads who’ve been dealt a pretty crap hand by divorce.
I wish I could give them all a big, squeezy hug.
But for those of you who are lucky enough to be spending today with your dad, give him a big, squeezy hug and tell him you love him.
That’s what I’ll be doing after the gym … Happy Father’s Day to my dad, I love you!
Song of the day: The Cranberries “Zombie”
PS Some random photos from yesterday: