When you don’t know what to do


Whenever I’m feeling strung out my favourite way to unwind is to plunge into the sea, which is weird, because I can’t swim.

You’d think it would stress me out MORE, but no.


DD lives near the ocean, but it’s 45 minutes away from my place, so visiting our favoured beach is quite an expedition.

Still, it really hit the spot on Sunday night when I was feeling beaten up by life.

The waves splashing over me never fail to bring the joy back.

But I was sooooooo knackered when I finally got home after 10pm.

Frustratingly, exhaustion hasn’t stemmed my latest bout of insomnia, so I popped a Stilnox – the sleeping tablet of choice for out-of-control sports stars – and let the dogs out for their last wee of the night.

A few minutes later, Charlie bolted back inside, tail between his legs, hunched, frantically panting and clambering up my leg.

Weird. Super weird.

I Googled “why is my dog acting weird?”

Google was inconclusive. So I called the 24-hour vet, who didn’t know why my dog was acting weird either, but offered to check him out for the princely sum of $300.

Hmmmm ….

I sat on the floor. The dog crawled into my lap, staring up at me with “help me!” eyes.

The Stilnox seeped through my veins. Swoon.

Hmmmm …


I tell it funnier in real life … you’d be cacking yourself … in a good way.

But the truth is, I felt very alone at that moment. The kids were at their dad’s place, everyone else I knew was asleep. I was about to pass out on my kitchen floor with a potentially dying dog on my lap (she catastrophises).

Then a bee flew up from the dog’s fur and started buzzing around the ceiling and I finally understood what was going on.

Next stop on the panic train: anaphylactic shock.

New Google search.

Again, inconclusive.

I considered making a call to the vet. Resisted.

I had another drug swoon, then decided to let the dogs sleep with me for the first time EVER so I could (sort of) keep an eye on the patient.

The dogs were stoked.

Charlie proceeded to growl at me in annoyance every time I had the termerity to move. during the night and disturb his sleep.

Little bastard.

I gave up on sleep at 5.15am and started work.

Charlie’s totally fine now.

I’m still obliterated.

Single motherhood can be hell, even when the kids aren’t there.






14 thoughts on “When you don’t know what to do

  1. My dog is acting weird right at this moment as well. I think there are bitey ants here that keep nipping their paws. Bloody dogs. Stilnox eh? Don’t they make people sleep walk? I prefer the less potent Restavit/Dozile. Do you get a hangover from Stilnox?

    • Restavit? Is that over the counter? I usually take Benadryl, but TWO last night did NOTHING. I haven’t noticed a hangover from Stilnox, I find the less sophisticated ones more brutal the next day. I hope your dogs settle down.

      • It doesn’t sound like you fear water so you would probably learn easily/quickly. An almost 50 year old friend learnt recently (at the Cook and Phillip Park Aquatic and Fitness Centre) and 6 months later she was competing in triathlons 🙂

      • I don’t like putting my head under, that’s the main issue. Makes learning to swim a little challenging. I had a few incidents where I went under in the water and it panics me.

  2. I had a slight argument with my partner last night about my wanting a dog…and his refusal to agree. I will read this a few times today.

  3. Stilnox is my drug of choice so does that make me an out-of-control sportsperson? I never have any hangover from it. Restavit, though, is horrendous. I only tried it once and felt so sick the next day. Give me prescribed drugs any day.

    • Nah, Char, was more thinking of the ones who throw pianos around in rage … I agree with you on the over-the-counter ones, they’re like sledgehammers for 12 hours at least.

    • I’m so pleased to hear your pup has been helpful. I got one just after my marriage started collapsing and another after my husband left. They’ve really helped the kids deal with it all, the unconditional love is rather lovely. The responsibility a little less so …

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