I’m not good at sharing


It’s supposed to be one of those admirable traits we teach our children, but I’ve realised there’s something I’m not good at sharing … THEM.

My ex’s girlfriend – SSF – is becoming an increasingly open presence in his world and therefore my kids’ lives.

At first the girls were strangely silent about their dad’s paramour, but lately she’s been cropping up in conversation pretty often.

I act all smiley and cool about it, but underneath … it’s difficult hearing her name and the things she’s done with them when I’m not around.

“We had to leave before they served the cake at the wedding,” the youngest told me yesterday. “So SSF promised if we saw a cake shop on the way home we could stop and get something and we DID see one! So we went there and I had a HUUUUUUGE piece of mud cake!”

And I tell her how awesome it is that she had mud cake, because it IS awesome for my sweet little nine-year-old to be having fun.

People assure me it’s much better when your ex meets someone who is nice to your kids. They’re right. I would hate him to be dating someone who was mean to them (though I don’t think she’d last long if she was – he adores his children).

But it doesn’t make the situation feel any easier.

The way SSF is being fast-tracked into blended family territory is painful but inevitable. And I know she won’t take my place. I know.

I’m secure in the knowledge that my kids love their mum and always will.


The situation makes me feel like a possessive toddler: Mine! Don’t want to share!

Funnily enough, Joelle Wisler at Scary Mommy has this to say about not teaching our kids to share: “Sharing is weird. As adults, do we share our cars? Our ottomans? Our husbands?”

Hmmmmm.  I feel an Alanis moment coming on …

I might just leave it there.

Song of the day: Annie Lennox “Why” (Alanis would be too obvious)




2 thoughts on “I’m not good at sharing

  1. On the contrary, I think you are great at sharing…especially your thoughts, as raw and aching as they are.

    It is a good thing that your girls are getting along with SSF and they enjoy her company. It makes them happy which, ultimately, is all that matters.

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