Temptations in Tinder-land

Tinder is a funny old place. It’s such a superficial way to decide if someone has potential as a partner: swiping left or right based on their appearance a photograph.

I never really took to it.

Kerri Sackville wrote a very amusing piece about the Tinder photo palaver at the SMH:

The men who post pictures of themselves with motorbikes, tigers or cars discount themselves immediately. And an extraordinary percentage of men on Tinder do post pictures of themselves with bikes, tigers or cars. I can only deduce that they think it is sexy and endearing. I can tell them right now that they are wrong.

In addition to the motorbikes, tigers and cars, there are other tableaus that do not win my swipe to the right. Shots of men pulling bongs (probably not good stepfather material), shots of men giving the finger to the camera (ditto), and even one memorable photo of a man posing with a bag over his head (which begs the question, “Why take a picture at all?”).

Some men post pictures of their children and not themselves which, unless you plan to date the kids, makes the decision process tough. And some men don’t post any pictures at all, which, given the only other information is a name and age, makes decision-making perfectly easy.

Then there are the men who post photos of themselves with women. Gorgeous women, usually, with big breasts and very few clothes, which obviously make me believe the man is handsome and desirable. Alternatively, there are the shots of men snuggling with normal-looking females who are clearly the ex-spouses of the now-alone Tinderites. This doesn’t make me believe that the man is utterly irresistible. It just makes me believe that he is a little bit sad.

I wonder what she would make of Ryan Mirivis …


Ryan is a 30-year-old comedian who has become an overnight sensation after his Tinder profile was posted on Reddit.

He’s been inundated with messages and right swipes from eager laydees.

Ryan tells Huffington Post: “This whole thing has been insane and my inbox is jam-packed with the kindest, and sometimes dirtiest, messages. Maybe my wife is out there!”

When asked what he’s looking for in a partner, Ryan added: “All I really want in a partner is just that — a partner. Someone who challenges and supports me, someone who excites and scares me, someone who I can cause mischief with just as easy as someone who I could binge watch ‘Game of Thrones’ with. Couldn’t hurt if they were an NFL fan, too!”

Ryan sounds pretty sweet. (On the other hand, I’m not so sure about blokes like Tyler in his sticky Monster bath.)


But the promise of entertaining blokes such as Ryan isn’t enough to save the Tinder app on my phone. It’s been languishing untouched for six months and I finally decided to give it the chop when my phone’s storage started maxing out. Not that the app was taking up much space, but I just couldn’t imagine ever using it again.

As Bill Bryson’s mate Katz would say: “Flung!”

I’m just not the swiping type.

Even Nathan the giant taco couldn’t turn me …


Have you ever dated someone you met on Tinder? 

Song of the day: ABBA “Mamma mia”



4 thoughts on “Temptations in Tinder-land

  1. Oh shit Alana this is SO FUNNY!!!! I actually did date someone I met through Tinder once…. we went out a couple of times….. I swiped on him because he was cute and he turned out to have a PHD!!! But definitely not the one for me. And all the others were batshit crazy.
    And have you seen Jo Thornley’s tumblr??? Makes me laugh SO hard.

  2. This is so funny!! I’ll remember this post every time my husband irks the hell out of me (which is fairly often) and I think that surely there’s better pickings elsewhere. Clearly there is not.

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