I need a wife

No. Let me put it more forcefully than that: I FREAKING need a wife because life as a single, working mother who’s just bought a house a few weeks before Christmas is so bloody HARD.

Diddums, I hear you say. You just went on a free-flowing champagne cruise … Suck. It. Up. Princess.

But I don’t FEEL like a princess.

I keep forgetting to breathe because there is sooooo much to do. I literally forget. My chest gets all tight from lack of oxygen.

There is a house to paint and tradesmen to be organised. There are boxes to pack and unpack. There’s a whole move to be orchestrated. There are Christmas gifts to buy. There is a job. There are children to be organised and fed and clothed and picked up.

When I was living in a two-parent household there was someone else to help. Now there’s just me.

And me is really tired. Me is having trouble sleeping again.

I was up late again last night, making Snapfish photo albums as Christmas gifts for (ex)Husband and my mum and my mother-in-law.

Someone suggested it could wait until another night. But it couldn’t. The site is having a quickie 60% off sale and tonight will be spent (finally) putting up the Christmas tree. Friday is a girls’ Christmas night out. Saturday is a Santa visit to the city, the eldest’s class Christmas party and the youngest’s gymnastics presentation night.

It exhausts me just thinking about it all. But don’t tell me to let things go because that’s not how I roll. It’s just not. Those things are important to me. They matter.

No, the world won’t end if the Christmas tree doesn’t go up. But turning on those flashing lights will remind me that oh yeah, life goes on, even when marriage doesn’t. It was always (ex)Husband’s job to assemble the tree with the kids. Now it’s mine.

As for those albums, they will be cherished. They are worth it. They are a gift from my heart. A heart that has been broken but is slowly repairing. It’s good and it’s strong and it’s determined to beat on.

And trawling through all those lovely photos of my gorgeous kids throughout the year made me smile, despite the late hour.

I’m lucky to have such happy, well-adjusted kids who love me just as much as I love them … Despite how crotchety I am when they’re still bugging me at 10pm at night when it’s ME time … ME TIME …

Well, not actually me time … Snapfish photo album creation time … But anyways.

And don’t get me started on how the rain makes my internet connection drop out every two minutes. That’s not annoying AT ALL. Noooooo.

Not that a wife would be any help with that. Bloody rain.

Is your Christmas shopping started/done/ditched?

Song of the day: Bruce Springsteen “I’m on fire”