I cried as I wrote this post. God knows why. My psyche works in mysterious ways sometimes.
Well, yesterday WAS a little intense. Maybe that’s the answer.
It started with a crushing parent-teacher meeting. The youngest is the most rat cunning eight-year-old I know, but she’s struggling with her schoolwork.
And it’s kinda my fault. Well, my fault and Husband’s.
We’ve let many things slide since we separated in February. Schoolwork has been one of the casualties. Just getting through the days with a brave smile has been achievement enough sometimes.
Homework and making sure the youngest practiced her reading (let alone her saxophone) have often felt like a bridge too far.
So the youngest’s teacher and the Year 3 head teacher sat us down for a little talk. When we told them we’d separated, there was much “ohhhhh, well that explains it” head nodding.
Husband drove me to halfway to work afterwards. We admitted our mutual failings as we crossed the Sydney Harbour Bridge. We agreed it was time to buck up and put our noses to the educational grindstone.
An awkward, edged-around we are never ever ever getting back together talk followed.
I was pretty cool with that. Still a little confronting, though.
We are never ever ever getting back together.
And I don’t hate him for it. I still love him. Not in a please, please can we get back together way. Just in a we have two wonderful kids and had so many good times together way.
I am a sentimental eedjit.
I ploughed through the day, cursing my phone each time the battery died (every few hours, on average). It just isn’t coping. Surely other people send 500 texts on their lunch break. What is Apple’s freaking problem?
Oh, and the dog shat on the carpet. I stood on it and smeared it everywhere. He also cocked his leg and did two widdles in the middle of the dining room. Farking furry burden.
And I’m a little tired. OK, a lot tired. Everything is so much harder when you are tired.
I forget what seven hours sleep looks like, what it feels like.
I served the kids a slacker dinner – store-bought lasagne with a bowl of raw veg on the side – then we belatedly watched the latest episode of Doctor Who. And Danny Pink died.
Why did Danny Pink die? He was lovely. He had such a nice voice. And Clara loved him.
It was all a bit much.
So I cried extravagantly over the keyboard.
Ever have days like that?
Song of the day: Tom Jones “Sometimes we cry”
housegoeshome 
It’s such an effort keeping up with the homework, reading, music practice. I wouldn’t beat yourself up about it – I’m hopeless at it and I don’t have the excuse of a breakup! It’s partly because our kids do too much and there is a lot more parental involvement now than when we were growing up. Then, what little homework we had was our responsibility – our parents were blissfully indifferent as they were getting on with their own lives.
We do out too much pressure on ourselves. I’ve been meaning to comment on your post of a few months back when you asked if people played with their children as you felt guilty that you didn’t. My children are now 12 and 11 and I rarely if ever played with them – they played with each other, made up imaginary games etc etc. Almost all of my friends are (were) the same. If someone is naturally one of those people who enjoy playing with children – go for it – but also expect the child to keep coming back and wanting constant games with the adult. If you don’t like playing with children but enjoy taking them places and watching them play, then you’re in the vast majority.
True, Sally. The kids got out their old Lego yesterday and had a brilliant time together. The youngest kept asking me to join in (as I tidied the kitchen) and I just said: “I carried you around in my belly for 9 months so the eldest would have a playmate.” Well, something along those lines.
Must have been the day for it. Disolved into tears 4 times at work yesterday. Got booked on the way home and disolved into tears in front if the cop who suggested I write in for option 2. Then had to drive to Newcastle for a workshop. Lots of mummy guilt involved as I had a sick kid at home and have left hubby yo fend for himself for the weekend. Oh and I’m a week early so hormones are raging and I’m getting all teary again thinking is this the start of “the change”???
DO NOT mention “the change” Karen. We must hope fervently that it’s eons away. And don’t feel guilty about that workshop. There are times when things like that need to be done.
Alana- you’re not alone. As a single, working parent I’m usually totally buggered by the time I get home and have just enough energy to throw together some sort of semblance of a healthy dinner…so I feel constantly guilty about the lack of time spent supervising homework!! I’m sure working together that you and your ex hubby will manage to get things back on track for your youngest (she sounds like a bit of a go-getter anyway…I often think in today’s world ‘rat-cunning’ is a far more useful trait than academic brilliance!)
The fact that you still have some ‘love’ (albeit a different kind of love) for your ex and that you can still talk about things rationally and work together to help your kids is absolutely bloody fantastic. I’m always grateful my relationship with my kids’ dad is similar- we’re not best friends anymore, but I know if there’s ever an issue we can sit down together and try and work through it. I’ve seen first hand how damaging bitterness and acrimony after separations can be and it always makes me sad that adults often can’t see the damage they are doing and how torn it makes the kids feel. I ‘ve very recently had a relationship end because (among other reasons) my partner was constantly involved in massive dramas with the mother of his son- and it has ( and still is) caused a huge amount of trauma for everyone involved. So I’ve had quite a lot of ‘extravagant’ cries lately myself! Strangely, they do seem to help release the stress and put things back in perspective and make you feel a bit better afterwards.
Aaaagh…dogs…..don’t even get me started! 🙂
Natalie, it sounds like we definitely need a catch-up – lots of very similar life experiences to dissect and have a laugh about.
In a word, “yes”!
Psychologically, crying is a good defense mechanism that “flushes” out the negative feelings and allows you to re-set your mind.
Well, that’s my excuse anyway…
Hang in there Alana. It’s not only negative pressure, it’s also release of tension like the house purchase and, dare I say, little things like buying the ping-pong table (and getting off the RSVP roundabout!).
The parent-teacher thing was the touchstone for the release of all that built-up tension.
And I still love my ex, too. In a sisterly kind of way.
I reckon you’re doing just fine!
That’s so nice that you still love your ex, in a sisterly kind of way, Geoff. I don’t feel like such a freak now.
Don’t worry about your little girl. She’ll catch up soon enough. They’re very resilient when they have two parents who love them whether the parents are together or not. I haven’t had a day like that for a while. But I’ll probably have one on Sunday because I have to clean my house and that always makes me cry. My dog is always cocking his bloody leg. He can’t wait 5 seconds for me to open the damn door!
We DID not make the best impression when, after their little talk, I sent the youngest to school with unfinished homework the next day. Ooooops. Must try harder this week. I’m not surprised cleaning your house makes you cry – it must be hot work around your way.