Things I learned this week: Monopoly is a very, VERY long game; keeping your mouth shut prevents guilt trips; not booking a removalist until a week before you move is daft; not finding a place to live a week before you’re supposed to move is also daft; not keeping your mouth shut, not booking a removalist and not having a place to live are a recipe for insomnia; my sister cooks a really good steak; Rupert Murdoch looks much older and smaller in real life, he also gets ferried around in a very unprepossessing 4WD; reversing the camera on your iPhone for a selfie makes you look 5 years older; I wasn’t a bad writer in my 20s; Monty Python & The Holy Grail is still a funny movie … and my 10-year-old thinks so too.
Things I mourned this week: the tragic loss of 295 lives in the Malaysian Airlines crash; that humanity has come to such a cruel place that such senseless acts occur; and that so much knowledge lost when the AIDS researchers on board were killed. On a much lighter note, I mourned accidentally throwing away tear sheets of an interview with Baz Lurhmann I did in my early 20s; all the stuff I deliberately threw away because I’m a single, downsizing mum; heck, dismantling my life of 23 years generally. It still feels horribly weird to be walking away from it all.
I’m also not entirely thrilled about the kids going skiing with Husband today for a week. (Although fortunately they are kitted out in the best that the Aldi ski sale can offer and are leaving well provisioned with 2 dozen muffins I whipped up last night.)
I know they’ll have a brilliant time, but the house is going to be so lonely without them. They may also never sleep under this roof again if I actually manage to buy/rent a freaking house on Monday. The removalists are coming to quote on Tuesday and I still don’t know where I’m going. No pressure or anything.
On the blog, things went a bit retro as I trawled through the back catalogue of my years as a feature writer. Packing to move, having dinner cooked for me at other people’s houses four nights in a row and settling into a new job didn’t leave much time for blogging. Here’s what went down:
>> On Monday I wrote a blog called Ruthless Measures, about all the lovely things I found in my attic and the ones I felt compelled to chuck. I’m also now wondering why I had a photocopied picture of myself and my friend Jodie holding my friend Brett’s giant pretend penis (see above).
>> On Tuesday I reminisced about the time I Was A Dyke On A Bike in the 1998 Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras parade.
>> On Wednesday I recalled the time I snuck into the launch party for Planet Hollywood and held hands with Charlie Sheen. Later on Facebook, my old workmate Nedahl informed me she was a waitress at the venue that night. Such a small world! Another friend informed me she covered the ground-breaking for the Planet Hollywood construction in 1995 for Today Tonight. While going through video clips of all the other openings Willis/Stallone/Crawford had attended, she amped up the sound on one and discovered Bruce Willis muttering “here we are prostituting ourselves around the world again.” She ran it and, needless to say, didn’t get an invite to the opening.
>> On Thursday I blogged about The Time I Went To Flirting School, and noted that the only decent tip for flirting I got from the article came from my younger self – stop talking so much and start LISTENING. Mind you, I still don’t seem to have managed it, despite the revelation.
>> On Friday in HouseGoesHollywood, Elle, Jessica Simpson, Laura Dundovic and Lindsay Lohan all posted swimsuit selfies. How AMAZING does Elle look? And Jeff Goldblum got engaged to a contortionist almost half his age.
>> And on Saturday I raved about how much I Freaking Love My Hairdresser (and my wonderful colourist). Although the selfie I took for the blog had me googling “Thread-lift facelifts”.
Over at escape.com.au …
>> Fancy a whole pizza drizzled in brown sauce, battered and deep-fried, with a side order of chips? That’s what’s on offer at the Commonwealth Games next week … Click to check out all 7 Gross Snack to Try In Glasgow During The Commonwealth Games.
>> Keen for more details and pics from Jeff Goldblum proposal to a contortionist almost half his age. Check out their Hawaiian engagement happy snaps here >>http://bit.ly/1rsLAFA
>> For the 11 Best Holiday Fling Films click here. Watching that Dirty Dancing clip made me giddy. (My research had nothing to do with my desperate and dateless status, nooooo!) Mind you watching Eric and Jason’s rippling bodies as they went for it in True Blood last night made me giddy in a whole different way. Whoa mama!
>> Former Miss Australia Laura Csortan and her hawt male model boyfriend went on holiday in California. Check out their sexy holiday happy snaps here …http://bit.ly/W9oER8
>> Who needs sightseeing with hotel pools like these ones? Prepare to be wowed by the world’s most awesome ones: http://is.gd/hHqBjb
>> I compared the Novocastrian Pasha Bulker incident to Giglio’s mourning over the tourism loss of the Costa Concordia. Click here to read the story.
>> What happens in Vegas doesn’t stay in Vegas when social media addicts Shane Warne and Emily Scott are involved. Click here to check out their “Vegas, vodka, vixens” escape >> http://bit.ly/1q8ZiAi
How was your week?
Song of the day: Split Enz “I walk away”
housegoeshome 
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