The meaning of life

“Where is it I’ve read that someone condemned to death says or thinks, an hour before his death, that if he had to live on some high rock, on such a narrow ledge that he’d only room to stand, and the ocean, everlasting darkness, everlasting solitude, everlasting tempest around him, if he had to remain standing on a square yard of space all his life, a thousand years, eternity, it were better to live so than to die at once! Only to live, to live and live! Life, whatever it may be!” ― Fyodor Dostoyevsky

Someone who’s struggling through a similarly messy break-up to mine told me: “I have my health, family, friends and my career. Men just play a small part. Life prevails.”

It got me thinking. I have my health, family, friends and – hopefully – a career soon.

So why do I feel so empty?

I’ve decided it’s because the thing that made me happiest was being a family unit. And now the family unit has this whole other life that doesn’t involve me.

Take Easter and seeing photos of the kids on an egg hunt at their cousins’ house without me.

That stung.

We won’t go on holidays together again as a family. We won’t go to the beach as a foursome on a sunny Sunday afternoon. And all the other won’ts.

My kids will always be a source of great joy to me, but I’ve realised I need to find meaning in my life to fill the days when they’re not around.

Eeeek. I think I’ve joined Husband in his midlife crisis. And we’re not alone.

WA Today reports:

Australian women and men are likely to suffer a midlife crisis or experience the most unhappy time in their life between the ages of 40 and 42, according to the Melbourne researchers who led a multi-country study tracking happiness levels over five decades.

The study found that happiness among more than 350,000 Australian, British and German men and women tended to follow a U-shaped curve, with levels higher towards the start and end of life and unhappiness often gripping people in midlife.

The study used research from the Household, Income and Labour Dynamics in Australia (HILDA) survey, a national longitudinal survey of Australian doctors and surveys from the UK and Germany that all tracked happiness from the ages of 18 to 70. Social economists from the three countries discovered that for most men and women, the probability of unhappiness peaks at around 40 and lasts around two years. Satisfaction with life started dropping as early as tracking began in the study, at 18 years of age.

Lead researcher Dr Terence Cheng, from the University of Melbourne’s Institute of Applied Economic and Social Research, said it hit bottom at ages 40 to 42. ”According to our results, things then start to pick up,”he said.

As the person who shared the article on Facebook commented:  “At least we are on the upwards path; and we always knew the answer was 42.”

Ah, yes, 42. Bless Douglas Adams and The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy.

It’s the answer another friend gave when I asked him about the meaning of life, then he added: “I’m not sure I know anyone who has it figured out.”

When I asked what keeps him putting one foot in front of the other each day, he gave an amazing reply that ended with: “Belief I can still leave the world a better place than I found it, even if it’s just little things.”

I felt a little vacuous after that. But back to 42 …

Julian Baggini writes in The Guardian: “That’s why Douglas Adams’ gag about the answer to the question of life, the universe and everything being 42 is so insightful. You can’t expect to get a sensible answer unless you ask a sensible question. But what the hell is “What’s the meaning of life?” or “What’s it all about?” supposed to mean? They may be grammatical, but so are “What’s the meaning of cheese?” and “What’s grass all about?” – and I defy anyone to give a serious answer to either. We think of the quest for life’s meaning as like a journey along a yellow brick road which will lead us to an awesome, mysterious source of all the answers. The truth is that, like the Wizard of Oz, the grandeur and remoteness of the meaning of life is all front. Pull back the curtain and the mystery vanishes.”

So where does that leave me, now the mystery has vanished and I’ve discovered what I thought was the meaning of life was all front?

Who knows? But that’s the journey I’m gearing up to take.

On the other hand … maybe I needed worry at all, because a group of scientists reckon THIS is about to happen. Hint: it involves an asteroid hitting the earth.

In the meantime, I’ll leave you – and me – with this (I’m in a quotey sort of mood, just for a change) …

“Not only is there often a right and wrong, but what goes around does come around, Karma exists, chickens do come home to roost, and as my mother, Phyllis, liked to say, “There is always a day of reckoning.” The good among the great understand that every choice we make adds to the strength or weakness of our spirits—ourselves, or to use an old fashioned word for the same idea, our souls. That is every human’s life work: to construct an identity bit by bit, to walk a path step by step, to live a life that is worthy of something higher, lighter, more fulfilling, and maybe even everlasting.” 
― Donald Van de Mark, The Good Among the Great: 19 Traits of the Most Admirable, Creative, and Joyous People

Song of the day: John Mellencamp “Jack and Diane”