Things I should’ve done but I never did

I’m being haunted by a little thing called regret this week. Geez it’s a cruel bastard.

I wrote a blog about regret after I got sacked a few years ago.

A lot has happened since then, and yet in many ways nothing has changed at all.

Here’s what I said back in 2012 …

“What’s done is done.”  William Shakespeare

“Every second that you live you are never going to get back. You are never going to get to change what you said, didn’t say, did, or didn’t do. Live how you want to live. Act how you want to be remembered, because you never know how long or short you are going to be here.” Emily Doberstein

“We all do things we desperately wish we could undo. Those regrets just become part of who we are, along with everything else. To spend time trying to change that, well, it’s like chasing clouds.” Libba Bray

“Maybe all one can do is hope to end up with the right regrets.” Arthur Miller

“My dad used to say that living with regrets was like driving a car that only moved in reverse.” Jodi Picoult 

I’ve spent many hours pondering the subject of regret this week. Wondering whether, if I had my time over, I’d do things differently.

I believe I did the right thing on Tuesday, standing up for a friend. But I regret not giving more consideration to how the consequences would make me – and others – feel. And I wish innocent people hadn’t been caught in the cross fire.

Should I have tempered my words? Probably. Can I do anything about that now? No.

You live, you learn, you move on.

It’s led me to ponder other stuff I wish I’d done a little differently in my 44 years on the planet …

I’d have dropped the surly teenager act every time my great-grandmother tried to engage me in conversation.

I wouldn’t have kissed that 16-year-old boy with no front teeth at the school disco.

I’d have gone to see a dying man instead of putting it off until it was too late.

I’d have skipped a few ill-advised bedfellows.

I wouldn’t have bought a quarter of a crumbling sandstone mansion during a pregnancy nesting frenzy (then sold it at a loss three years later).

I wouldn’t have scrubbed the red wine stain on my friend’s new carpet quite so vigorously.

I’d have believed in myself more when times got tough.

I’d have remembered the tooth fairy was supposed to come last night.

And I’d have talked myself out of having another bacon and egg sandwich this morning.

But I’m trying to focus on the positive. Family, friends, health, home. I have all those things and I’m so very grateful for them.

My regrets this week are for entirely different, unexpected reasons – yet the angst they have caused feels exactly the same.

What about you? Do you have any regrets?

PS Kate Bush sings one of the most beautiful songs in the world, called This Woman’s Work, it goes like this …

“All the things we should’ve said that were never said
All the things we should’ve done that we never did
All the things that you wanted for me
The things that you wanted from me
All the love I should’ve given, but I didn’t
All the things we should’ve done but we never did
All the things we should’ve given, but we didn’t”

And here she is singing it …

Coincidentally it appears in one of my favourite crappy ’80s movies, She’s Having A Baby – and makes me cry every time – starring my 30-year-crush, Kevin Bacon (and yes, that’s a very young Lady Grantham on the couch with him).

Phwoar … might have to watch it again tonight …