THIS is the secret to a happy marriage????

Have you had the misfortune to see The Real Housewives of New Jersey?

I haven’t, but I’ve had to dubious pleasure of reading a gossip item about Melissa Gorga, who stars in the show. She’s just released a book called Love Italian Style: The Secrets of My Hot and Happy Marriage. Another subtitle might be: How To Set the Women’s Movement Back 100 Years.

And I was a bit like Amy Poehler in the GIF above … WHAT?

For a start, apparently there’s a bit written by her husband Joe that says: “Men, I know you think your woman isn’t the type who wants to be taken. But trust me, she is. Every girl wants to get her hair pulled once in a while. If your wife says, ‘No,’ turn her around, and rip her clothes off. She wants to be dominated. … Women don’t realize how easy men are. Just give us what we want.”

Nice.

And then there’s her confession that she hides her bodily functions: “Girls don’t poop. Me, never have. Never will. It just doesn’t happen. Or, that’s what Joe thinks! We’ve been married for nine years, and he has never once seen or smelled my business. How have I pulled this off? I don’t do it when he’s around or awake. In an emergency, I have my ways of pooping so he won’t hear, smell, or see. It’s a challenge.”

Sigh.

Now, call me crazy, but I don’t think marital rape or pretending you don’t crap ARE the secrets to happy marriage. And while I am waaaaaaay off being an expert on the subject (waaaaaaaaaaaay), it did make me ponder what I think the best way to avoid divorce might actually be.

And I reckon it’s not taking each other for granted.

How about you – what do you think is the secret to a happy marriage?