My youngest has a birthday party coming up and I’m arguing with her about who to invite. I’m from the “invite all the girls in your class so no-one feels left out” school. But my youngest is fiercely objecting to several girls who’ve been mean to her coming along.
So I’ve told her she’s not allowed to hand out invitations at school. Handing out invitations at school carries quite a bit of cache and she’s a bit pouty about missing out. But I’m standing firm. If not everyone in the class is invited, I don’t want anyone’s feelings hurt.
I’ll be sending them electronically to the parents.
When I mentioned my stand to another mum in the playground, she was more in the “that’s the way the world turns, toughen up” camp.
So I told her that I’m still scarred by an incident in the playground when the eldest was in kindy. A girl in her class – who I’d been cheerily told was her best friend – had a fat pile of white envelopes that she was handing out. Kids were clustered around eagerly.
Since my eldest had told me the little girl was her best friend I hung around for her invite. The little girl checked the pile and said there wasn’t one. I’m embarrassed to say I told her to look again. Still nothing. My eldest went and sat on the other side of the playground looking forlorn. Another little girl stood there desperately begging to be invited.
I went home and cried. Possibly an over-reaction on my part, but I was haunted by my daughter’s sad little face for weeks afterwards.
And I resolved never to do that to anyone else’s child (or their mother).
Mind you I’ve hardened up considerably and there are some mean little misses I quite happily leave off the invitation list these days. But I will never rub their little faces in it. Because I am better than that.
Ah, it’s always a worry when you start talking tactics in your wars against seven-year-olds. Oh, and don’t get me started on the 10-year-olds I’d like to trip on the asphalt …
housegoeshome 
Ugh, it’s so ugly that world of party politics. I’ve done the whole class thing and I’ve also done the three-friends-for-tea-party option. Must admit, my daughter enjoyed the tea party more, but I felt better about the big one! There’s one kid in Miss 6’s class who is often invited but never, ever comes. You never even get a yay or nay from his parents (whom I’ve never met). I feel especially sad for him.
Oh, that is so sad. Poor boy. I wonder why?
My boys are still toddlers, so I haven’t had to think about this- although I remember when I was a child, our mother always gave us a spider (ice-cream and soda) when a party was being held that we weren’t invited to.
Oh! That is SWEET